Watashi no Hikari
by Hikari86
Summary: It's hard to want something you know you can't have. It's harder still to see it cry over another man. My version of the mage origin, so slightly AU, and will go beyond. What happened when Duncan wasn't there. Companion piece with main story 'Blood Bond'
1. Cruel Fate

_Author Note: This story is my version of the mage origin with both Surana and Amell. It goes with my main story, 'Blood Bond', so Duncan will not be at the tower. This is just my explaining what happened before my Wardens reached the tower. So I hope you enjoy, and reviews are always appreciated! Thank you. Bioware and David Gaider own everything Dragon Age, while I barely own my characters._

**Cruel Fate**

Fate, it seemed, had a cruel since of humor. For all the things that he knew. For all the answers that he looked for. He could not find the reason or the significance for why he was chosen to kill her.

It wasn't like Cullen couldn't do it, or at least he thought he could. It was just out of all the mages here, and all the templars, why was _he_ assigned to _her_. Was it meant to be? Was it suppose to be this way? Was he suppose to be the one that killed her if she did not succeed in her test? He knew she could do it. He knew that she was a very special mage, in more ways than one, and was more than capable of performing the task with ease. But his fear still smoldered in his heart. He was afraid of taking the finally blow, and ending what could be something amazing.

Cullen stood still in the circular room, eyes closed and shaking away the feeling that had begun to engulf him. He couldn't let such thoughts plague his mind. He was a templar, and she was a mage. He had a duty to watch her and to take her down if it ever came to it. His feelings could not stop him. His mind needed to be clear, and not clouded with such thoughts.

But he couldn't help it. It was as if she was the only thing his mind could think of. Nothing else mattered, and this scared him as well. Cullen grew up in the abbey, along with most of the templars that stood with him in the circular room. There he had been taught and trained by the Chantry. Taught to love the Maker. Trained to be a templar and to work for Him and his bride, Andraste. Duty had been pounded into his head again and again. Magic was shown to be something to fear. Mages were the reason why the Maker left His creation. Mages were the reason why darkspawn plagued the earth. It was this reason why they had to be managed and watched over. That was his job. That's what templars were trained for. So why couldn't he get her out of his mind?

Cullen sighed deeply as the men around him shifted with anticipation. She was not here yet. They would be collecting her now. Rousing her from her bed since it was late in the night. They would be walking her up the steps, all the way up the tower to the very top, to the Harrowing Chamber. The very room that Cullen now stood in. It would be in here that her test would proceed. The Harrowing, it was called. A test that pitted an apprentice mage against a demon in the Fade. If the apprentice was able to resist the demon, then they would become a full mage of the Circle.

Again Cullen thought of her, despite his desperate but futile attempts to push her from his thoughts. He hoped beyond hope and prayed to the Maker that He would give her the strength to defeat the demon. He also prayed that the Maker would give him the strength as well to complete his duty if she should not.

The minutes began to tick by and his mind began to drift as they waited patiently for her arrival. She would be here any moment. As they waited, he began to think of the first time he had ever seen her. It was nearly six months ago when he first came to the tower. Right after he had taken his vows and became a templar. He had been assigned to the Circle, something he thought to be a good thing. Or at least he thought it was before he looked into her eyes for the first time. Then he wasn't so sure.


	2. First Meeting

**First Meeting**

"Welcome to the Circle of Magi," said Knight-Commander Greagoir as he examined his newest templars. "Most of you, I know, have already been here during your training. You were initiates, recruits. Well, now you are templars, and as such, I expect you all to act as thus." The knight-commander walked down their line, eying and looking each one up and down. "Being here is not like being in a chantry. Here, you are expected to do the duty you were trained to do. For in this tower lives the reason why templars are needed.

"Mages are not to be taken lightly. They are dangerous and must be watched at all times. This is only one of the many tasks that is expected of you. Another is that when a mage becomes hostile, and thus becomes an abomination, it will be your duty to slay them. It is a gruesome task, but you cannot falter if you are ever faced with it. This is one of the reasons why we strongly discourage you from interacting with the mages. You should not converse nor should you engage in any activities that may lead to unpleasantness. Friendships between mages and templars will not be tolerated, and anything above that will be punished severally."

Greagoir stopped in front of the line and folded his arms behind his back. "These are the rules, and we have them not only to protect you from any mage that would take advantage of a templar, but so that it also does not interfere with your duty. How are you suppose to kill a mage that has turned into an abomination that was also your friend? It is something that you will hesitate with, and in that hesitation, bad things could happen. It is this that we want to avoid. Now, is this clear?"

"Yes, Knight-Commander!" all the new templars said at once.

Cullen could hardly contain his excitement as he listened to Greagoir's speech. He was finally in the place he knew he was meant to be. Ever since he was placed in the Chantry to become a templar, his one dream was to go to the Circle and watch over the mages. It was the one thing that all templars wished for, but few would live.

Greagoir nodded his approval to the templars. He wasn't a man known for his smile, but Cullen thought he could detect one playing at the corners of his mouth, behind the graying beard. "Now," Greagoir continued. "You will be given your assigned post. These may or may not be temporary. You are to stay at these posts for at least six months before being reassigned to another."

The templar giving out the posts was an older man with a bald head and somewhat milky eyes. "Ser Cullen," he said when he reached him.

Cullen stood straight. "Yes."

"You are to be posted just outside of the apprentice rooms. They are on the first floor, just outside of the front doors, and before the library."

"Thank you, ser knight," Cullen said as he crossed his arms over his chest and bowed to the elder templar. It was the customary way of bowing in Ferelden.

The templar nodded his head before he went to the next one and continued with his job of assigning posts.

Once Cullen knew his job, he was free to leave and find his assignment. He had been to the tower before, so he knew where to go, and it didn't take long for him to find his post. There he stood, and watched as the inhabitants of the tower went by. He soon learned a lot about the tower and it's mages while standing there and observing.

It came to his attention that the color of a mage's robes told of their position within the Circle. Apprentices wore blue robes, while full mages of the Circle wore yellow. Senior enchanters, Circle mages who were given the duty of teaching the apprentices, wore red, while purple robes were worn by the tranquil. They were mages that had their connection to the Fade severed. This made it so they could not perform magic, and thus demons would not be able to posses them. It also made it so they had no emotions whatsoever either. He found them somewhat disturbing due to their lack of feeling.

Cullen did notice oddities as well. For one, he kept seeing an elf, who he believed to be a senior enchanter, wearing bright pink robes. He also saw other, older mages that wore green ones. He wasn't sure what position they might hold. He thought that maybe they were mages who were older and could teach the apprentices, but either chose not to, or weren't given the opportunity. These mages made Cullen wary, as they always seemed to walk faster than the others, as if they needed to be somewhere. They also almost always traveled alone, or if they were with others, it was always another green-clad mage.

As he continued to watch the mages, he was glad of the fact that they seemed to pay little attention to him, if none at all. It made his job easy, as Cullen was determined to follow the rules. That's how he was. He believed and was devoted to the Maker, as well as devoted to his duty, and if that meant to not get involved with the mages, then he would follow it to the bitter end.

It wasn't until late in the evening, when it was getting close for his own shift to end, that a whole herd of apprentices starting pouring out from the library. He figured they were either coming back from dinner or late night classes. Either way, Cullen stood straight and watched as they made their way to their rooms. He watched as they talked and gossiped to one another. Girls mostly. As some, in their little groups would look at him then whisper in each others ear. Then, as they passed him, would giggle before disappearing into their rooms. Cullen ignored these little encounters, as it was mostly the young girls who did this, and since he was new, they of course were interested in seeing him.

The sudden stampede of apprentices didn't last, however, and soon the halls were quiet again. Cullen yawned as he waited for his replacement to arrive. He wouldn't be able to leave his post until then. He then heard feet running down the marble hallway. He turned to look down the hallway at the bend that lead to the library. There, he saw two apprentices come around the corner.

"Come on, Jowan!" the shorter one whispered harshly. Cullen noticed he was much younger than the other. He thought he was perhaps only thirteen, maybe fourteen years old. He had long blonde hair tied in a ponytail, which was the only true feature that he could see from the distance. His voice was what had given his age away. "We need to get to our rooms before we get caught!"

"Just relax, Keiven," said the older one, who's name Cullen assumed was Jowan. He looked to be no more than eighteen or nineteen, Cullen wasn't sure. He had dark hair, however, that was long as well, and reached to his shoulders. "I know what time it is, but I promised Esumi I'd wait for her."

"What is she doing anyway?" Keiven asked.

"I think she said something about looking for a book. I don't know why she just doesn't wait until tomorrow, but you know how she can be."

"Yeah, I know, I know. That girl reads too much."

"I just want to make sure she gets to the room okay, is all."

"What? Is she going to get lost or something?" Keiven laughed. "We live in a tower, you know, and I don't think anything's gonna happen to her. She is at the top of her class."

Jowan narrowed his eyes at him. "I don't care. I'll still wait for her. If you don't want to, then that's fine. You can go ahead and get to your room. In fact, I think you should go. You may get into more trouble than I would."

"Whatever," Keiven said rolling his eyes. He began walking down the hall, straight to the rooms. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jowan," he waved. "Tell Esumi good-night for me."

"I will," the older mage waved back.

Keiven walked pasted Cullen, seemingly unaware of the templar's presence. Cullen wondered if the mage truly didn't see him, or if they conditioned themselves to ignore the templars. It had been evident to him all day, but apparently not to all. As it was with the giggling girls. Cullen wouldn't have reported the two mages anyway, even if they did notice him. After all, it wasn't his place to enforce rules such as bedtimes, and the mages didn't seem to be doing anything mischievous. They were just waiting for a friend.

It wasn't long after Keiven had disappeared down the hall, that Cullen heard feet on the marble again. They made a lighter, softer sound than the two others had.

"Finally," he heard Jowan say. Cullen focused his attention back on the mage.

"Sorry it took so long," he heard a female voice say. He couldn't see her, as she was standing just behind the bend. "But I did find what I was looking for."

"Really?" Jowan sounded excited. "Can I see it?" Delicate hands came out from the bend and handed him a large tomb. Jowan looked at the book, flipping through the pages. "Is this really the only book?"

"Yeah." The female voice sounded disappointed. "It's the only one I can find in the whole library that has any information on Nihonnen, and it's only one chapter. But I guess that's to be expected. This is a place of magic after all, not geography."

"You would still think we had something about your homeland," said Jowan as he handed her the book back.

"Oh well," she sighed. "I think the only way I can find more information is by leaving the tower."

"Well, you're pretty close to that. I know you'll be called to your Harrowing in no time."

"I still have to pass the tests, Jowan. And then I have to ask the first enchanter for a leave of absence. I don't know if he would do that."

"Are you serious?" Jowan chuckled. "Everyone knows you're Irving's favorite student. So I'm sure once you pass the tests, and complete the Harrowing, then Irving will let you do whatever you want. Learning about your homeland is a worthy venture anyway. I'm sure that maybe you could even help to make it more known in Thedas. Maybe you could even go there one day."

"That would be nice." Cullen heard a sigh of hope within her words. "I hope you can come with me. Keiven too, as I couldn't go anywhere without the two of you."

"Let's just worry about getting me and Keiven pasted the Harrowing first. And if we can leave the tower, I promise I will go with you."

"Good."

"Now, I think we should be getting to bed. It's kind of late and I have a big test tomorrow. Wynne's going to test me on my fire spells. Oh, I'm so scared. Last time I nearly set the whole third floor on fire. Luckily you were there to put it out with your ice spells."

The female chuckled. "Just relax, Jowan. You'll do fine. Just focus and make sure to concentrate on nothing but the spell. And if you want, I will be there to make sure nothing catches on fire again."

"That would make me feel better," Jowan sighed. "Now come on, I think I hear someone coming." Jowan quickly grabbed her hand and sped her past the bend and into the hallway.

That was when Cullen saw her. That was when he first got the glimpse of her exotic beauty. His eyes became wide. His jaw dropping from his mouth. She was simply the most gorgeous creature he had ever seen. Her hair was a jet black, even darker than Jowan's, and glistened like onyx. It was long too, perhaps even reaching to her back if is wasn't flowing behind her in their run. It exposed her ears, pointed and small, telling him she was an elf. Her skin was smooth looking and cream colored. Soft and slightly darkened. Her eyes were narrow and slanted, giving them a strange beauty that he had never seen before. She ran past him in what seemed like slow motion. At that moment, their eyes met and Cullen looked into the jade orbs, locked in their beauty.

Something began to stir in him. Several emotions began to battle with his mind. _Stop it!_ he thought, screaming it at himself. _Look away! Look away! Look away!_ But his body wouldn't listen to him. His head followed her, even when her eyes left his. He did not gain control again until she disappeared with Jowan in the door only a few feet away from him.

Cullen had to shake his head. _What had just happened? Why was I unable to look away?_ He could feel his heart fluttering. It felt as if it was going nearly a thousand beats a minute. His breathing was deep and long, as if he had just dueled on the training grounds. His legs felt weak and wobbly. He was barely able to stand. He had to focus himself to keep from falling on the floor. He wasn't sure why he was acting like this. All he could do was think of her.

_She put a spell on me, _he thought. It was the only thing that made sense to him. It was the only thing that could explain this feeling. _But why would she do that? How could she do it?_

"Are you all right?" he heard someone say. It brought him out of his funk, and he looked at his fellow templar.

"I-I'm fine," he said, though it was a lie.

The templar looked at him peculiarly, but didn't question him further. "Well, then you can go ahead and get some sleep. I'm taking over your post for the night."

"Yes," said Cullen. He was beginning to feel better, but her eyes still wouldn't leave his mind.

Cullen walked to his room, and got ready for bed all in a daze. As he laid in his bed, he thought of her. Those perfect jade circles, that flowing onyx hair. When he finally fell asleep, he dreamt of her. Thus began his infatuation with her. No matter how hard he tried to fight it, he couldn't. She plagued his mind and his dreams. And even though he tried to deny it, there was no use getting rid of something he loved.

_Esumi..._


	3. Her Harrowing

**Her Harrowing**

Esumi walked up the small flight of steps that lead into the Harrowing chamber, making Cullen's heart stop. Maker she was beautiful. The way she walked, graceful and angelic. The way her robes hugged her slender curves and how the color of them matched perfectly with her hair, which she had cut since the first time he saw her. She had it pulled back in a braid that settled between her shoulder blades. Sometimes she liked to paint her eyes, lips, and checks different colors on occasion, but this time she didn't. It was to be expected as the templars accompanying her had just woken her. It was midnight, the time most Harrowings occurred.

"'Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him'," Greagoir quoted as he walked over to her. "Thus spoke the prophet Andraste when she cast down the Tevinter Imperium, once ruled by mages who had brought the world to the edge of ruin." He came right up to her and stared down into her eyes. The knight-commander had at least a foot on her, if more. "Your magic is a gift, but it's also a curse, for demons of the dream realm are drawn to you, and seek to use you as a gateway into this world."

Esumi looked on with a stone face. She did not show any fear or concern for what she was about to do. It made Cullen more proud of her, and more confident.

Irving, the first enchanter and leader of the mages came to her next. He was an older man with graying hair and a long beard. His robes were green with ancient writing stitched within the fabric. He stood tall and straight next to Esumi, looking at her like a proud teacher to his student. "The Harrowing exists just for that reason," he said. "Your test will be battling a demon in the Fade, armed with only your will."

Esumi nodded, understanding what she had to do. "And what if I should fail?" she asked. There was no shakiness in her voice or fear. Cullen assumed she only asked so she would know what to expect.

"It will turn you into an abomination," Greagoir answered. "And the templars in this room will be forced to slay you."

Cullen flinched slightly. _Only one templar, actually._

Esumi nodded again, then focused her gaze on the structure within the center of the room. It glowed a light blue, pulsating at a slow rhythm. Cullen could feel the power of the lyrium, the essence of magic, and the gateway that would lead Esumi into the Fade.

"The Harrowing is a secret out of necessity, Esmui," Irving said, whispering it into her ear. "Every mage must go through this trial by fire. As we succeeded, so shall you. Just remember to keep your wits about you and to know that the Fade is a realm of dreams. The spirits may rule it, but your own will is real."

Greagoir cleared his throat. "The apprentice must go through this test alone, First Enchanter," he said with disdain. He focused back on Esumi. "Are you ready?" He gestured toward the lyrium and Esumi looked upon it with fascination as well as the first signs of fear Cullen had seen in her since she had arrived. It did not tarnish Cullen's image of her. It was only natural that she show some type of fear. He only hoped that there was none to be seen on his face.

Esumi made her way to the lyrium. Slowly she placed her hand in it's glowing essence. It sparked on her hand before spreading to her fingers and up her arm. The glow intensified as it soon consumed her body and a bright light took her within it's glow. When the light faded, Esumi laid on the floor, looking only as if she were asleep. Cullen wondered why no one had yet to think to put a mattress there. The floor was, after all, made of marble. He was sure it was hard and cold. But he couldn't think of that now. He couldn't think of how uncomfortable she might be, as she was now in the Fade, and he had to be alert for any signs that a demon might have taken over. He again began to pray to the Maker, hoping that she would succeed.

Time began to tick by. Second by second Cullen stood there, fidgety and sweating even though the room was cold. How long would she take? How long did most Harrowings take? Cullen had witnessed many Harrowings, and from what he knew, none lasted more than thirty minutes. The templars would not allow a mage to be in the Fade with a demon for more than that. They would be too afraid that the demon was winning and kill the apprentice to make sure. It was gruesome and probably one of the worst ways to die since the mage was unaware of what was going on. If that would happen, the mage's spirit would be then trapped in the Fade forever, never to return to the mortal world. It was a fate he did not wish on Esumi.

But Cullen had to stop thinking about it. What if they reached the thirty minute mark and Greagoir signaled for him to make his move? Would he be able to do it? He had to, it was his duty. He had no choice in the matter. He feared not only the thought of dealing the blow, but of hesitating. If he did, what would the others think? Would they see his feelings for her? He didn't think so. This was his first Harrowing where he was assigned to deal the death blow. And it would be the first time he would have to kill an abomination. Greagoir would more than likely be mad at him for hesitating, but he would also, hopefully, understand.

More seconds went by, more agony went through him. How long had it been since she went into the Fade? It felt like forever. Cullen looked at the hourglass they had set when she touched the lyrium. Only five minutes. He sighed. There was still plenty of time. He was worrying over nothing.

Something caught in the corner of his eye. Her arm twitched. At first, he almost made to move, to see if she had awoken, but his legs felt like stone. He wasn't the only one who spotted it, however. Irving had seen it as well. He took a few steps toward her and peered down before going back to his place next to Greagoir.

It was nothing. Twitches happened.

Again Cullen sighed with relief. He then began looking around the room, eying all the templars within the circle. He noticed something that seemed to be a theme on all their faces. Boredom. He wondered if he looked out of place, as his own face may be showing concern. Quickly he tried to act bored: sighing deeply, looking up at the ceiling, placing his hands behind his back and twiddling his thumbs. It appeared to be working, but then again no one seemed to be paying attention to him anyway. They were all in their own little worlds. Several of them yawned, breathing out hard. Then there was one, straight across from him.

_Is that Joseph? _he thought. _Is he... sleeping?_

Sure enough, his fellow templar was asleep. His head was on his shoulder, and Cullen could even begin to hear the rumble of a snore. Greagoir had now taken notice and briskly walked over to the templar and shook him. Joseph woke up with a start and went for his sword, only to be stopped by an irritated Greagoir. The templar's checks turned a bright red as he realized what he had been doing. Cullen saw him mouth the word_ 'Sorry' _before Greagoir let go of his shoulder and stalked back to his place in the circle.

The excitement over, there was nothing now to keep Cullen's mind occupied as time went by. He chanced a glace at her. She was so peaceful looking. Her braid laid across her chest, robes slightly ruffled. It made him want to smile, but he didn't. He forced his face to remain straight. Then there was another twitch, but it was more than a twitch. Cullen looked on at her as an arm flopped, followed by her head moving and a moan escaping her lips.

Irving looked on as well. Excitement was on his face as he stared at the hourglass. "Ten minutes," he said softly. "I think that's a new record."

"Not so fast, Irving," said Greagoir. "First we need to assess the situation. Cullen."

Cullen went at attention. "Yes, ser?"

"You may proceed."

Cullen didn't hesitate, which he was happy about. He bent down next to Esumi, took off his gauntlets and began examining her. Her skin was so soft against his, he had to concentrate real hard to keep his face from showing his discomfort. It was hard for him to be this close to her. It was hard for him to be touching her so intimately. But again, it was his duty, and his duty came first.

He checked her face, opening her eyes and looking to see that they were still elven. He reached out with his talents, feeling her magic as well as her self-being, and not feeling a demon presence anywhere. It was a good sign, and Cullen could finally relax.

He stood, and nodded to Greagoir that everything was in order.

"You see?" said Irving. "I had no doubt in my mind that she would be able to do it. And to create a new record. I couldn't have asked for anything more."

"Yes, she is quite impressive, Irving," Greagoir commented. "I can see why she is your star pupil." He turned his attention back to Cullen. "Cullen, go ahead and take her back to her room. We are done here. She has passed."

Cullen nodded, but he didn't like it. Why was he the one that had to take her down? It wasn't his job, but he wasn't going to argue. It was an order from his commanding officer, and he had to follow it no matter what.

Carefully, he scooped her up in his arms. She was light and delicate, and he was afraid he might break her. He gently tucked her limp body in his arms, even placing her head in the bend of his elbow to keep it from bouncing around. _Curse this armor, _he thought. If he wasn't wearing it, he might be able to hold her better.

Cullen began making his way to the stairs before Irving blocked his path. "When you bring her to her room, please tell her to come find me as soon as she wakes," he said.

"May I ask how I'm suppose to do that if she's still asleep?" Cullen asked trying not to sound rude, but he did not like having Esumi in his arms. She was too close, and it was too personal.

Irving raised an eyebrow but didn't question Cullen's mood. "Just leave her a note if you could, or tell one of the apprentices. I'm sure at least one is awake."

"I will." Cullen then made his way to the stairs as quick as could be, not bothering to wait for the first enchanter's response.

He made his way down the tower as fast as he could, but not so much that it would jerk Esumi. He felt like he was being tortured. Why had Greagoir asked him to do this? It felt too intimate to him. He could feel her body in his arms, all her curves and features. Her smell was intoxicating: strawberries and vanilla. It was drifting in and out of his nose making his mind woozy. He had to shake his head several times on the way down to keep from falling down the stairs.

_Why does this bloody tower have to be so high?_

Finally he made it to her room, and when he entered, he was then faced with a new challenge. He did not know which bed was hers. He had never been in this room before, and he hadn't realized how un-private it was. Beds were pushed up next to one another, and stacked on top. Cullen slowly made his way down the edge of the room, looking for any bed that might be empty. It didn't matter if it was hers or not. That's where he would put her.

He heard someone shift and then saw a head pop up from between the beds. Jowan saw him and came running over. "You brought her back!" he said, sounding excited. "I woke and noticed her bed was empty. I assumed she had been taken to her Harrowing, and decided to wait up and see. Did she pass?"

"If she didn't, do you think I would be bringing her here?" Cullen was annoyed with the mage. He wasn't a very big fan of Jowan, as he noticed how close he and Esumi were.

"Oh, well, I guess not," said Jowan. "This is good news, very good news."

"Could you please just show me to her bed?"

"Oh, yeah. It's over here." Cullen followed Jowan to two empty beds. He noticed they were side by side. Jowan sat on one and pointed at the other. "That's hers right there."

Carefully Cullen placed Esumi on the bed. He fought the urge to cover her with a blanket. He wished he hadn't though when he saw Jowan immediately jump up and do just that. The mage then sat back down on his own bed and watched her intently.

Cullen had to get out of there. He couldn't stand it.

"What's your name?" Jowan asked as Cullen tried to escape. "Aren't you the one that stands outside of our door everyday?"

"Yes," he said without turning around. "And you don't need to know my name, mage."

"You don't need to be so rude about it. I was just asking."

Cullen sighed. There was really nothing wrong with the mage. He was just too close to Esumi in Cullen's opinion. "It's Cullen," he said turning his head. "And before I forget, the first enchanter wants her to come find him as soon as she wakes."

"I will tell her that," said Jowan. "And thank you. If you want to know, my name is-" But Cullen cut him off before he could say it.

"There is no need for us to exchange pleasantries," he said. _Besides, I already know your name anyway._ He then made his way out of the room before Jowan could say anything more. He didn't even look back to see the expression on Jowan's face.

When Cullen reached his room, he took off his armor and collapsed on his bed. It had been a long and challenging night, and he was glad it was over.


	4. Privileges

**Privileges**

"Esumi... Esumi... Are you awake?"

Slowly Esumi began to open her eyes. Her vision swam with a blurry face hovering over her. "Wha...? Who...? Where am I?" she croaked. Her head was lightly throbbing. She brought up her hands and rubbed her eyes. Her vision began to clear and Jowan's face came into focus.

"Hey," he said. Jowan was sitting next to her on her bed.

Suddenly Esumi sat up. Her heart pressing against her rips as she remembered her previous actions. "The demon! Where is it?" she nearly screamed.

"Whoa, calm down," Jowan said as he grabbed her shoulders. "It's all right, there's no demon here."

"What? Oh..." Esumi's eyes fluttered as she looked into his. She then shook her head, clearing it. "I'm back on the first floor," she said looking around.

"Yeah, you came back from your Harrowing, remember?"

"Now I remember. How did I get here?"

"That templar, Cullen brought you back. During the night I woke and found you weren't in your bed so I assumed they must have come and got you. I was so excited and scared that I couldn't sleep, even when I saw you were fine."

"Oh, so I guess that means I passed."

"Yep, you did, and I couldn't be more proud of you." Jowan gave her a huge smile. "So... why were you screaming about a demon? Does it have something to do with the Harrowing?"

"Oh, oops." Esumi covered her mouth and sat up straight. "I guess it's too late to take it back now, huh?" Jowan nodded his head. "Yes, it does, but you have to swear not to tell _anyone_."

Jowan raised his hand. "I swear."

Esumi shifted closer to him and bent over to his ear. "You have to fight a demon in the Fade."

"Really? That does sound harrowing."

"Yeah, it is," she said straightening back up. "You can only fight it with your will too, nothing else."

Jowan sighed, crossing his arms and looking up at the ceiling. "I don't even know if I'll be able to fight a demon at all."

"Oh, Jowan." Esumi rolled her eyes. They were about to start the same conversation they had had many times before. "How many times do I have to tell you that you will be called to your Harrowing eventually. You just have to be patient."

"But I have been patient," he said looking back at her. "I've been here longer than you, I even passed the tests before you and still I'm waiting for my chance. Yes, I'm proud that you passed, but I'm a little jealous, too. I'm also starting to fear they may never call me for my Harrowing because they might want to make me... tranquil."

"And why would they do that?"

"Well, it did take me three times before I passed the tests. Not like you, who only had to take them once."

Again, Esumi rolled her eyes. "You know it doesn't matter how many times it takes to pass the tests. Did you know that Senior Enchanter Sweeney had to take the tests _four_ times before he passed. And if he made Senior Enchanter, then I don't think you have anything to worry about."

"Really, four times?"

"Yeah, then I also heard that some others had to take them five times or more."

"Now you're just messing with me."

"No, really it's true! Go ask anyone of the older mages. They'll tell you." Esumi gave him a sweet smile and patted him on the hand. "You're a fine mage, Jowan. You just second guess yourself is all, but you've been working on that."

Jowan gave her a timid smile. "Thank you, Esumi. You always know what to say to make me feel better, but... there's also something else." He turned away from her, not really wishing to look her in the eye.

Esumi bent her head toward him in concern. She placed her hand on his chin and gently brought his face back to hers. "What is it?" she asked sweetly. "You know you can tell me anything."

Jowan took her hand from his chin and held it in his own. "I'm just wondering if you've heard anything... about me. Rumors and such." He still wasn't able to look her in the eye.

"No," she said suspiciously.

"I guess they wouldn't talk about it with you around," he sighed. "Everyone knows that we're best friends. But there are rumors going around about me saying that I'm a... a blood mage."

"A blood mage?" This nearly made Esumi laugh, but she didn't when she saw Jowan was serious. "Well, you're not, right? They aren't true."

"Of course not!" he said quickly, finally looking in her face. "They're just rumors. How they got started I'm not sure, but I think that might be the reason why I'm not being put through the Harrowing." He looked away from her again, sadness as well as fear on his face.

"Jowan," Esumi said shaking her head. "Irving would not do that just because of some silly rumors. There are rumors all the time about so and so being a blood mage, and the first enchanter doesn't really heed any of them. If he really thought they were true, then he would talk to you about it. I'm sure."

"I hope you're right," he said. "But I still wish I could know for sure. I don't want to be tranquil."

"And you won't."

"But speaking of Irving," Jowan said, finally lighting up. "Before that templar left he said that the first enchanter wanted to speak with you as soon as you awoke. I assume it has to do with the Harrowing."

"Alright, then I guess I'll go and do that now." Esumi stood and so did Jowan. "Tell you what, when I go talk to the first enchanter, I'll ask him about why he hasn't called you for the Harrowing yet."

"Really, you'll do that for me?"

"Of course I will! You're my best friend. And I'm sure he'll tell me, after all, I am his favorite student, right? Then I can let you know when to except being woken up in the middle of the night."

"That would be great. Thanks, Esumi."

"Dou itashimashite. It will be my pleasure." Esumi began to make her bed and clean up her things before she would head to the first enchanter's office.

"Esumi... there's also something else." Jowan hadn't left. Instead he had stood there, watching her. He had looked distracted, as if he was thinking of something important.

"What is it now?" she asked concerned. Jowan never looked like that unless it was something really important, and since they had already discussed his fears of becoming tranquil, she knew it wasn't that.

"There's something else I want to tell you, or show you more, but not here. When you're done talking to the first enchanter, I want you to meet me in the chapel on the second floor. In the pew in the farthest corner. You know the one."

Esumi nodded her head. "Sure, I'll be there."

"Good, I'll see you then." Jowan waved good-bye to her before disappearing out of the room. Esumi watched him go, a little confused. He had been so sad and fearful a moment ago. Now, whatever it was that he wanted to tell seemed to make him happy. She smiled as she thought of it. Anything that made him happy, made her happy as well.

Once she was done getting her little area nice and tidy, Esumi was ready to head out to see the first enchanter. She was only briefly stopped when she noticed Owain come up to her. He was a tranquil, and stood in front of her with his same, blank face.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Surana," he said in his usual monotone. "I believe congratulations are in order."

"Thank you, Owain. Might I ask why I am graced with your presence?"

"My fellows and I are here to retrieve your things and bring them to your new room."

Esumi only then noticed the two other tranquil standing behind him. One woman and one man, who both had the same straight-faced looks that was common amongst the tranquil. She wondered why it was that some mages actually chose this path, and also understood the reason for Jowan's fear. Being tranquil meant having no connection to the Fade, so no pesky demons trying to control you, but it also meant no emotions, and with no emotions, that meant you couldn't love or feel anything.

"Oh, okay," she said. "Well, this is all I have. Just the sheets and pillows on my bed, and my trunk at the foot." Owain motioned for the two behind him to come forward and together they lifted the trunk.

"Do you need any help?"

"No," Owain said shaking his head. "We are good. You may proceed with whatever task you were about to do. Your things shall be in your new room when you enter."

Esumi bowed to them and thanked them one last time before she exited the room. When she stood out in the hallway, she noticed something peculiar. Cullen wasn't there. Instead, standing in his place was a new templar, one Esumi had never seen before. She wondered where he was. He had always been right outside her door, everyday for six months now. They had never talked, and she only knew his name because she had over heard another templar say it, but his absence made her a little sad. It only meant that the changes happening in her life right now were real. She wasn't even sure if she would ever see him again.

"Esumi!" But she wasn't able to dwell on it long when she was attacked and nearly brought to the ground.

"Keiven!" she said trying to keep herself and the young mage clinging to her from crashing on the floor.

"Hey, I heard the great news," he said letting go of her and smiling broadly. "I was coming to tell you congratulations. Oh, how do you say it? Omedetou gozeemasu?"

"Go_zai_masu, but yes, you got it. Doumo arigatou."

"So then how does it feel? To be a full mage, I mean."

"I'm not actually sure," Esumi said after she thought for a moment. "I don't feel any different. In fact I haven't even gotten my new robes yet. I bet that's what Irving wants to see me for. I was on my way to his office when you attacked me."

"Then I'll be your escort," Keiven said taking a position in front of her. "I'll make sure no one messes with you on your way up to the first enchanter's office." He puffed out his chest and squared his shoulders in order to look tougher. Esumi started to chuckle seeing him like this. Keiven was always trying to act older than he was.

"Keiven, I don't think we need to worry about that."

"I still think I should go with you, because you never know. Besides, there is nothing wrong with a knight escorting his lady to her destination. Onward shall we go?"

"Yes, my knight, lead the way."

Even though Keiven was several years younger than Esumi and Jowan, it never stopped the three of them from being friends. They were a trio and always had fun together. Jowan was the oldest, about a year ahead of Esumi, and the first one to be brought to the tower. When Esumi came to the tower, she and Jowan became immediate friends as their teacher, Wynne, was the same, and their beds were right next to each other. When Keiven came, he was assigned to Jowan as a buddy, and from there, the trio started.

Keiven had attached himself to both of the two older mages and followed them where ever they went. It was an endearing friendship, as Keiven was simply over taken when Jowan had introduced him to Esumi.

"Oh, I also wanted to give you your book back," Keiven said as he reached in his pocket and handed Esumi a small, leather bound book. "Why didn't you tell me I wouldn't be able to read it? If I knew it was written in symbols, then I wouldn't have asked."

"You still would've wanted a peek, though," said Esumi as she took the book back. "And those aren't symbols, they're letters, just different ones than you are used to."

"Oh, well they looked like symbols to me."

"And I'm sure the letters of this language would look like symbols to the Nihonen-jin as well." Esumi opened the book and began looking at it. "If you want I could teach you how to read them."

"I don't see how you can read them. I thought you said you knew nothing about your homeland?"

"I don't know anything about it, yes, but that doesn't mean I don't know how to speak or read the language. Obviously I can, and this book has told me a lot." She thumbed through the pages before closing it and running her hand down the leather coat.

Keiven watched her with interest. "How did you acquire that book, anyway? I thought you said the only thing you found was a tomb that only contained one chapter about Nihonnen."

"It is true," she said. "And how I got this book is still a mystery even to me. One day I just happen to be walking out of my room when I ran into Owain. He handed it to me, in which it was wrapped in brown paper, with my name written on it. He thought I had left it in the library, which is were he found it, just sitting on one of the tables. When I opened it, I was so amazed I could barely contain my excitement. I had never dreamed that such a book existed." Esumi hugged the book to her chest before slipping it in her pocket. "Thank you for returning it. It is special to me."

"Can I ask you what it's about?"

"Stories mostly: legends and myths. A few haikus as well. Poems if you want to know."

"Uck, poems," Keiven said sticking out his tongue. "What good did poems ever do anybody."

"You know, Keiven," Esumi said with a smile. "A good poem could be the way to a woman's heart. Us girls do go for such things."

"Really?" Now he seemed interested. "Which one is your favorite?"

"Hmm, let me see," she said thinking. "It's actually an untitled one by an anonymous author. It goes something like this:

Hanaakari

Enshou shan o

Anata no me."

"It does sound pretty. What does it mean?"

"Something along the lines of 'the brilliance of the cherry blossoms, spread like fire, beautiful in your eyes', I think. It's hard to convert such poems into this language. But that's about the gist of it."

"Then I'll have to try and remember it."

Soon Keiven and Esumi made it to the first enchanter's office, and stood outside the door. "Alright, my knight, I think I can take it from here," said Esumi. "Nothing bad is going to happen to me in there."

"Good, then I have done my duty, sweet lady." Keiven bowed to her, taking her hand and kissing it. "Does my lady wish her knight to wait outside for her?"

"I think my knight needs to get to class."

"Nope, not today! Wynne went off to Ostagar so I don't have class until she returns."

"That still doesn't mean you shouldn't study," said Esumi. "How about you go and work on your shield spells and later I'll test you."

Keiven's face went from happy to sad in a second. "Wynne told you to do this, didn't she?"

Esumi nodded her head.

"Oh man! And I was hoping to have a few days off."

"Don't worry," Esumi smiled. "I'm not going to make you study all the time. Now go ahead and get a move on. Practice for a while today, then I'll test you tomorrow." She scooted him off.

"I'm going, I'm going," he huffed. "Hey, I'll get to see you later today, right?"

"Of course you will. I'm not going anywhere besides up a few floors."

"Alright, then I'll see you tonight at dinner. Bye!" Esumi watched as Keiven ran down the hall. She smiled while shaking her head, really glad that all of her test days were over.

Slowly Esumi opened the door to Irving's office. Inside she found the first enchanter talking with Knight-Commander Greagoir. Or it was actually more yelling than talking.

"Many have already gone to Ostagar—Wynne, Uldred, and most of the senior mages!" Greagoir exclaimed. "We've committed enough of our own to this war effort."

"Your own?" Irving questioned. "Since when have you felt such kinship with the mages, Greagoir? Or are you afraid to let the mages out from under Chantry supervision, where they can actually use their Maker-given powers?"

"How dare you suggest-" but Greagoir cut short when he saw Esumi standing in the doorway. Irving turned to see her as well, and any anger that was on his face melted away.

"Ah, Esumi. Please come in, child."

Greagoir shifted his jaw back and forth as he examined Esumi. "I shall go ahead and leave since it appears you are busy, Irving. We will discuss this later."

"Of course."

Greagoir walked out the door, keeping his shoulders back and his head high. Irving breathed out deeply when the knight-commander was gone. "You would think after knowing one another for such a long time, we would both understand. But I guess it's not that easy."

"Nothing is that easy, even if it should be," said Esumi. "One would think that mages and templars should get along better, but I suppose we never will."

"That is very true, but I should not burden you with such politics, Esumi. I assume you are here because I asked for you?"

"That would be correct, First Enchanter."

Irving made his way around his desk and grabbed something that was lying on top. "I must say, Esumi, that I am very well pleased with all the work you have done. Setting new records, exceeding expectations in any type of magic you touch, and even already becoming a role model for the younger generation." Irving handed her the items, and she saw that it was her new mage robes folded neatly. On top of the robes was also a staff. "May I present to you your new mage robes, making you a full mage of the Circle. Along with your very own staff that you may carry now where ever you go."

"Thank you, First Enchanter," she said bowing to him. "I am very honored."

"You are very welcome, child." Irving mirrored her bow. "I am also pleased to tell you of your new quarters. You shall be placed in one of the rooms on the fourth floor. In the area next to the stairs."

"You mean, in the elite mage's quarters?" Esumi asked. She was in wonderment at the thought.

"The very same."

"First Enchanter, this... this is too much. I mean, no mage has ever been enlisted in the elite mage section straight out of apprenticeship. I didn't even think it was possible."

"It is not too much, my dear. Like I said, you have accomplished much in your young life. This is the least I can do for you. Do not threat, Esumi. You've earned it."

Esumi didn't know what to say. It was too great of an honor.

"Why don't you go to your room and see for yourself," Irving said when he saw how speechless she was. "There you can see you'll have privacy and be able to do anything you would wish."

"I don't know what to say, First Enchanter."

"You need not say anything. You're happiness is good enough. Now, unless there was something you might need of me, I'm afraid I'll have to be getting back to my work. With so many of our senior mages gone to Ostagar, I'll need to try and figure something out to keep the young ones occupied."

Esumi nodded, knowing what work that might be. She was about ready to leave when suddenly she remembered Jowan. "Wait, First Enchanter, there was one thing I wanted to ask you."

"Oh, go ahead."

"It's about my friend, Jowan. I would like to know why you haven't called him to his Harrowing yet. After all, he did pass the tests before I did."

Irving sighed and shook his head. His demeanor was more grave now. "I was afraid you would ask me this. I knew you and Jowan were friends, and that it was only a matter of time."

"Please, First Enchanter. Both he and I would really like to know, if you could tell me. He fears you might not want him to go through the Harrowing, that instead you might make him tranquil. I told him he was too paranoid. That he was thinking too much into it."

Irving's face didn't change. "I'm afraid that it is true, Esumi," he said slowly. "Young Jowan will go through the Right of Tranquility here very soon."

Esumi only stared and blinked. "Wh-What?" she breathed. "You can't be serious! It's not because it took him three times to pass the tests, is it?"

"No," Irving said crossing his arms behind his back. "The tests have nothing to do with it. They are actually designed to have you fail. That way you can be prepared for the unexpected, such as the Harrowing."

"Then please, why First Enchanter? Jowan isn't a bad mage. I hope it's not because of the rumors."

"It is."

"But..." Esumi was flabbergasted. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "But they're rumors! Jowan isn't a blood mage."

"And I suppose he told you this?" Irving asked.

"Yes he did, and I believe him!" Esumi nearly shouted. "He is my best friend, I've know him since we were kids. He would never lie to me about something like this."

"He would not tell you in order to protect you," Irving sighed. "But I'm afraid they are true. I even have witnesses, reliable ones that say they saw him practicing blood magic in secret."

Esumi stared, trying to work out in her head what Irving was telling her. Would Jowan really lie to her? It didn't seem like something he would do.

"Who are these witnesses?"

"I cannot tell you that."

"Alright, then why haven't you talked to Jowan yourself? Maybe they only thought they saw him doing blood magic. Why haven't you given him a chance to defend himself?" Esumi narrowed her eyes at him. She wanted answers.

"I have asked him," Irving answered. "But he of course denies it. So I've had him followed, and it's been reported not only is he studying blood magic, but is also sneaking around the tower at night. Because of this, I cannot allow him to become a full mage. I am sorry, Esumi."

"But... but..."

"I already have the papers signed and ready," Irving continued. "There is no going back. Jowan will become tranquil."

"No, you can't do this!" Esumi could start to feel the tears forming in her eyes. "I know Jowan. He is a good person! And... and what about the plans we made together? How are we suppose to go to Nihonnen if he's tranquil?"

Irving wasn't able to look at her. "I'm sorry," was all he could say.

Tears ran down Esumi's check. She turned away from the first enchanter and ran out the door. She ran down the stairs and stopped on the fourth floor, sobbing. She couldn't believe it was true. That she was going to lose her friend over stupid rumors.

Slowly she made her way to the alcove that was next to the stairs. She found her room and entered. The room was divided into six different areas with walls separating them. Inside each area was a separate room complete with bed, wardrobe, and vanity. She found her things in the farthest area. There, she sat on her bed and cried. She cried for some time before she realized that she needed to get herself together. Jowan would be waiting for her, and he would want to know the answer. She nearly cried again just thinking about it. How was she going to tell him?

Esumi stood and decided to change into her new robes. It gave her something to do in order to prepare herself. To keep her mind off Jowan. When she was done, she checked herself in the mirror. The braid in her hair was coming undone, so she decided to take it out. She then went ahead and combed it out before placing it in a low bun. She took two sticks and crossed them in the bun. Afterwards, she checked herself again, only to find that her face looked somewhat plain with the new yellow of the robes. Going to her trunk, she took out her face paint and began applying it. She did it lightly, giving her cheeks and eyes a brighter glow. When that was complete, she checked herself one more time before seeing that there was nothing else she could do to stall.

It was time to tell Jowan.

Esumi picked up her staff and placed it on her back before heading out of the room. She mentally prepared herself, ready for anything that might happen. There was one other thing on her mind though besides the hurt she had just found out. Jowan had wanted to tell her something. She just hoped that it was better news then what she was going to tell him.

As she made it out the door she had to suddenly stop. There, standing in the hallway just outside of her room was a familiar face.

* * *

_A/N: The haiku is one I made myself. It is my first time attempting on in Japanese, so hopefully I did it correctly. If anyone sees that I did something wrong, please tell me so I can fix it. Thank you._


	5. First Words

**First Words**

It wasn't until earlier that afternoon when Cullen awoke. He was grateful for the extra time Greagoir had granted him. It had been nice to sleep in, but even with the extra sleep he still felt somewhat exhausted. He had dreamed about her again. It wasn't an uncommon thing, though. It was more uncommon to not dream about her, but this dream was different from the rest.

Usually his dreams about Esumi were sort of the same to real life. She would always be distant from him, far away to where he couldn't reach her. He was a spectator in the background, watching as she went on with her life. But last night brought on a dream that had him be involved. In fact, she had actually came up to him and talked. Something she had never done in either a dream or real life. What they talked about, he couldn't remember. What he did remember was that they talked like they were old friends. As if he wasn't a templar and she wasn't a mage. It was a concept that he had enjoyed greatly.

But Cullen couldn't dwell on his dream. He needed to get up and get back to his duty.

As he got ready for his shift, he then realized something. He would not be seeing Esumi anymore. Or at least not as much as he was. Since she had become a full mage, she would be leaving the apprentice quarters and going up the floors to the mage's rooms. It was a thought that made him a little sad, but then again it could be for the best. Cullen knew that he would still see Esumi. After all, her friends were still apprentices and there was nothing stopping her from visiting them. But she wouldn't be passing him everyday like she always did. Perhaps this was what he needed in order to get her out of his head. If she was gone, then eventually Cullen could be lifted from the spell she had on him. It would be what he needed in order to fully dedicate himself to duty and not to her.

Cullen smiled as he thought of this on his way to his post. His smile then disappeared when Greagoir stopped him in the halls.

"Ah, Cullen, you are awake and ready," said the knight-commander. "Good."

"Yes, Knight-Commander," Cullen said bowing to him. "I am always ready and waiting. Is there anything that you wished of me, ser?"

"There is actually. You've been here for six months now, yes? Well, now I believe it is time for you to be assigned to a new post."

"Oh really?" Cullen was intrigued. A new post might even be better.

"I have decided to put you on the fourth floor, in the elite mage's quarters. There is only ever one templar stationed there because these mages are _supposedly _trustworthy. Bah, I say." Greagoir closed his eyes and shook his head. "No mage is trustworthy if you were to ask me."

"Well, I wouldn't go that far," Cullen said. "If you wish my opinion, Knight-Commander."

Greagoir waved his hand at him. "Makes no difference, either way, but I chose you because of how well you've been handling yourself. Watching apprentices is not the easiest job. Sometimes they can be worse than the full ones."

"Yes, Knight-Commander."

"Well, I shall let you go ahead and get to your post. Good day to you Cullen."

"Thank you, Knight-Commander."

Cullen parted from Greagoir with a bow and made his way past the apprentice quarters and through the library to the stairs. He made his way up to the fourth floor and then around the hallway to the other side where the elite quarters alcove was hidden in a way behind the stairs.

This was even better. He had thought about it the whole way up. It would be perfect. Now he would never see Esumi again. The rooms were hidden for a reason, to give the mages more privacy than normal. Not only would he be hidden from the rest of the tower, but there would be no reason for Esumi to come this way. He knew that she wasn't in any of the rooms, she couldn't be. No mage became apart of the elite group straight from being an apprentice. All these mages had earned the right somehow. Either by discovering something, or helping to catch apostates, or even accomplishing great feats. Cullen knew that Esumi would more than likely be in here eventually, but hopefully by that time his mind would have pushed her out completely. He would totally forget about her, and even though it made him sad, and he knew it would take some time, it was the right thing. After all, his vows and duty were the more important thing. Not her.

As Cullen reached the alcove, he positioned himself in a good spot where he could still see the alcove, but also get a good look at the hallway beyond the stairs. He was hidden here, and could catch any unsuspecting mage that might cross his path. He liked the thought.

The alcove was fairly small with only three doors in it's area. One on the right, one on the left, and then one at the end of the short hall. It was quaint and quiet. A perfect place for one to think and perhaps even pray and contemplate to the Maker. He could already feel her slipping from his mind. Soon she would be gone for good, and he could get back to his–

"It's Cullen, right?"

Cullen stiffened. He knew that voice all too well. He had been looking out at the hallway past the stairs, just thinking of her leaving his mind when he heard the voice behind him. Slowly he turned around to find Esumi standing in the doorway on the right side. She was in her yellow mage robes now, and Cullen determined that he didn't like them nearly as much as her blue apprentice ones. The yellow didn't seem to go very well with her onyx hair. He noticed she had it up now in something different than last night. It was now in a bun with sticks crossed through. A nice hair style that he liked on her, and thought she didn't wear it enough. But Cullen had to push those thoughts aside. What was she doing there? He wanted to ask her but then he saw the look on her face. It was one that was questioning. He then remembered that she had asked him a question.

"Uh, y-yes," he stuttered. "Yes it is."

"I thought so," she said. "I over heard one of the other templars saying it." Esumi walked out of the doorway and went over to him.

Cullen began to panic. This had never happened before. Never had they talked, not even once. Was his dream coming true? There were so many things that he wanted to ask her. Such as why she was there, and what was she doing talking to him?

"So, isn't this interesting?" she said. "I assume you are here because this is your new post?"

Cullen nodded his head, too afraid to say anything out loud. His throat was dry and he felt like he would make a fool of himself if he even breathed a word.

"I wonder if it's just a coincidence, that you would be here with me. See, Irving went ahead and gave me a room in the elite quarters because of all that I've done so far. I don't think I deserve it, but everyone else thinks I do."

"Oh, of course you deserve it," he suddenly said not as shaky as he thought it would. He wondered where the outburst came from, and why it sounded so sensitive. He wasn't really one that talked to mages like they were his equals.

"Thank you. It is nice to see a familiar face, though. Glad that you are here with me." She smiled at him, that gorgeous and beautiful smile that he loved to see on her and he soon began to feel that same sensation every time he saw her smile. It made him wobble on his feet and he had to lean against the wall to keep from falling.

How horrible was this? Cullen finally thought he had gotten away from her, that her spell would be gone. But here he was, acting a fool and nearly forgetting everything else. He knew this had to be some type of cruel joke. Something that Greagoir cooked up, no doubt. Course, if Greagoir had done this to him on purpose that meant only one thing. He knew of his feelings for her.

Cullen straightened back up at the thought. Greagoir must have seen it on his face during her Harrowing. Or someone saw how he acted around her and told him. But if Greagoir did know, why would he put Cullen where she was, right in the path of temptation? Maybe it meant that Greagoir didn't know, and if so, Cullen would have to go and ask for a new position. Course, Greagoir would ask why and then Cullen would have to tell him, and he wasn't sure he could do that. There was no telling what the knight-commander might do. It could mean that Cullen would be taken from the Circle, and even though it would mean he could forget about Esumi, he didn't want to leave. No, he would have to stay here, cause there was still the possibility that Greagoir did know, and that this was a way to test Cullen. To see if he could resist. This was Cullen's Harrowing.

This made Cullen more determined now to stay. He knew that if he could resist Esumi, then eventually he would be able to forget about her even with her around. Cullen would just have to endure.

"So, I'm Esumi, if you didn't know," she said bringing him back out of his thoughts. She apparently didn't notice his mental absence.

"Yes... Esumi," he said, feeling the shakiness back in his voice. "I know your name."

"You were also at my Harrowing, weren't you? I saw you standing in the background."

"Yeah, I was there to... um, cut you down if you turned into an abomination." _What in Andraste's name...? Did I just say that?_

"That was your job?"

"Yes, but I... uh, am glad to see your Harrowing went smoothly."

Esumi cocked her head at him. "Why are you stuttering?"

"W-What?" Cullen cleared his throat. "I'm fine. I'm just glad that your Harrowing went well. Makes my job easier."

"Would you really have struck me down?" She asked it with such sweet serenity that he wasn't sure if she was serious or joking.

"Well, I... I would have felt horrible. After all, but... but I serve the Chantry and the Maker, and I will do as I am commanded." Cullen was glad he was able to get the last part out without stuttering. At least he could do that much.

"Oh, then maybe I shouldn't be distracting you right now. I can go, if you like."

"Oh, you're not distracting," Cullen blurted out. "I mean, you are, but... well you're not. I mean, you can talk to me anytime if you want. Uh... uh, yes." He mentally kicked himself. What was he saying? He couldn't even understand himself.

"That is good," Esumi said, giving him that same smile. Again Cullen found himself melting. "Because I have been wanting to ask you something."

Cullen looked at her curiously. "What is that?"

"Well," she started, acting a little shy. "Since both you and I have been placed in the same area, yet again, I... I was just thinking about how much of a coincidence it was, and just thought... Just thought that maybe, if you want, and if you don't that's fine. But maybe we could be... friends?"

Cullen's eyes went wide. He then pulled them back and stared at her in disbelief. He couldn't tell what she was up to, but he didn't like it. Though, he couldn't say he didn't want it. After all, his obsession with her made him want to say yes, but that couldn't be. "No," he finally stated. "That can never happen."

"Oh." Esumi looked disappointed, making Cullen want to take it all back, but he stood his ground. "I don't see why we couldn't."

Cullen sighed, still trying to figure her out. "It's because I'm a templar, and you're a mage. It is against the rules. Friendships are not tolerated. Besides, if we were to be friends, then what would happen if you turned into an abomination? I don't think I would be able to perform my duty if you were my friend."

"Oh, I think you would," Esumi said.

"Really? And what makes you think that?"

"Because as my friend, you would know that becoming an abomination is what I fear the most. As a friend, you would know that I would not want to live like that, and, as a friend, you would strike me down to end my suffering. In fact, I think that I would prefer it to be you, if we were friends." Esumi looked at him with huge eyes. Those jade orbs glistened and Cullen had to look away.

"That... might be so," he said softly. "But it still wouldn't matter. What if I hesitated?"

"You wouldn't."

"How do you know?" He had turned back to her, and glared in her eyes. Her own hadn't changed.

"Because if you saw that I was no longer myself, then you wouldn't hesitate. You would not see me as a friend any longer, but as a monster."

Cullen softened his gaze. In a way she was right, but he couldn't be for sure. He so much wanted to say yes to her. To be her friend, but he couldn't. Duty said otherwise, and there was nothing above duty. "I'm sorry," he said. "But there is no way for us to be friends."

"I think there is. And I know you've already said no, but I would like for you to think about it, at least. Just consider it, and I'll come back and ask you one last time. If you still say no, then I will leave you alone, and we don't ever have to talk again. But if you decide to say yes, well... I guess we'll have to see what happens, right?"

"Esumi..." he said shaking his head. He wished she would stop. "That is not my duty as a templar. I am only suppose to watch, not get involved."

"That is a very important job, yes. Us mages can be dangerous at times, and do need to be watched, but I don't see why templars and mages can't be friends. I know what you mentioned earlier would more than likely be a good reason, but just think about all the things that could be gained. There wouldn't be any tension between the groups like there is now. You could watch us better, since we would be more willing to give you our secrets and such. Just please tell me you'll think about it?"

Cullen sighed deeply and closed his eyes. "Alright, I will think about it," he said. He was still determined to tell her no. After all, this was his test, and saying no would be easy and would get her off his mind. He knew it would, but something also told him that it wasn't going to be as easy as he thought.

"That's great to hear." That same smile crossed her face and Cullen couldn't help but to smile as well. He liked putting that smile on her face. It made him feel good inside. "Now, I will be back later this evening to ask you again," she continued. "Hopefully, you'll have a good answer."

"Right."

"But I need to get going, so please think about it." Esumi strode past him and smiled at him one last time before she turned the corner and went down the hall. He watched her go before she disappeared around the bend. When she was out of sight Cullen moaned and leaned against the wall.

_Dear Maker, what did I do to deserve this?_


	6. Secret Unveiled

**Secret Unveiled**

Esumi felt good after her conversation with Cullen. It was something she had wanted to do for awhile, but was never given the chance. It wasn't a very common thing for mages to just stop and talk to templars. Most templars wouldn't even give a mage the time of day, let alone a somewhat full conversation they had just had. She hoped he would say yes to their friendship. It would be the start to something great. She just knew it.

Esumi soon reached the second floor and found herself in the chantry. She stopped at the statue of Andraste for a moment to give her respects before making her way to the altar Jowan wanted to meet her at. Just like her new room, the altar was slightly more hidden than the rest, giving a good spot for quiet pray, and even confessions that no one wanted to be overheard. As she got closer the happiness that Cullen had given her was now starting to ebb away. If she was truthful to herself, talking to Cullen was really more of a distraction than anything else. Her wanting to be friends with him was real, but the meeting just outside her door had obviously been something she, and apparently he, didn't expect.

Slowly, Esumi made her way around the wall that separated the altars and peeked over to see Jowan standing there. He had his back turned and seemed to be waiting anxiously. Esumi cleared her throat and stepped into the area only to be surprised to find that Jowan wasn't alone.

Standing against the wall was a priest in the orange robes of the Chantry. She had light brown hair and wore it in a decorative bun that formed the letter eight just at the nape of her neck. Esumi looked at her confused, wondering what she was doing there, but her thoughts were interrupted when Jowan noticed her presence.

"Esumi! It's about time. What took you so long?" he asked taking her hands and pulling her into the altar. Esumi took her eyes off the priest who was now staring at her, a slight smile on her face. She faced Jowan and when she looked into his eyes, she nearly fell back into the tears that had consumed her earlier. But she fought them back and collected herself. She couldn't let Jowan see her distressed.

"Oh well, I just got caught up is all," she said. "What is it you wanted to tell me? And why here?"

"This is the only place I know we could have complete privacy," he said letting go of her hands. "What I'm about to tell you... It isn't going to be easy."

Esumi shifted her eyes over to the priest. "Jowan... You do realize there is a priest standing right there?"

"I know," he said walking over to her. He placed his hand in hers and their fingers intertwined. Esumi felt her heart freeze. "You remember when I told you about a girl I met?"

"Y-Yes..." Esumi said timid. She was beginning to put the pieces together. "Is this her?"

"Her name is Lily," he said looking longingly into the priest's eyes.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Esumi," Lily said taking her own longing gaze from Jowan and bowing to her. "Jowan has told me much about you."

Esumi stood there, mouth slightly open, unable to say anything as she tried to take in everything she had just be told. She remembered this conversation with Jowan. It was one that had stained her mind. She had thought he might have been trying to confess his love to her, but when he didn't, she had become frustrated, unsure of what to think. Why couldn't he just tell her his feelings for her? She knew Jowan wasn't very good with emotions, but did he have to make up another woman just to confess to her what he felt? The fact that it might actually _be_ another woman never really crossed Esumi's mind. But now here she was, staring at the woman she thought to be imaginary. She could begin to feel her heart tearing.

"Uh, I haven't really heard much about you," she was able to squeeze out. She hoped it didn't sound as harsh as it sounded to her.

"There's a reason for that," Jowan intervened. He faced Esumi and she saw that same look on his face that she knew all too well. He was about to tell her something that was not only difficult but could also hurt her. "You see... Lily is an initiate."

Esumi's face clearly showed her shock. "Jowan... That's... That's forbidden!" If anything, it was even more forbidden than mages and templars being friends. Although initiates weren't full priests yet, they had still taken vows to dedicate themselves completely to the Maker. They were more bond to their vows than even templars, and the repercussions for them could be even worse.

"You don't think I know that?" Jowan said. "That we both know it? But we're in love. I love her and I'd do anything to protect her."

Esumi couldn't help but to feel sick. Her stomach churned and she felt it would be easy to throw up right now. She glanced at Lily and wished that the other woman would let go of Jowan's hand.

"How long?" she asked.

"A few months now." It was Lily who answered.

"I would have told you sooner," said Jowan. "But you were so busy studying for your tests and the Harrowing that I didn't want to worry you."

Esumi glanced down at the floor. All of this seemed too much to take in. "Is this all you wanted to tell me?"

There was silence for a moment and Esumi had to look back up to see what was going on. Jowan and Lily were looking at one another, apparently trying to determine the best way to tell her.

"What?" Esumi said sounding impatient. "Don't tell me you got her pregnant!"

Jowan's face turned extremely white at what she had just said. "N-No... not that."

Esumi knew that face as well. "But you have done... haven't you?" She didn't even know that it was possible, but his face became even whiter. Esumi looked at Lily and saw she was more blushing than anything but was more in control.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," she said patting Jowan on the hand. "What's done is done."

Now Esumi wasn't really sure if she could take anymore. She was beginning to hate Lily. Why did the stupid initiate have to be here, taking away the man Esumi loved more than anything? It had taken a while for Esumi to finally admit it to herself, but she did love Jowan. She just now wished she had told him herself sooner.

"I don't think I really want to hear the details," she said flinging her hands in front of her. "And if you can't tell me what you want to say, then I'm leaving. I have things to do." She turned to leave but was unable to when she felt Jowan grab her hand.

"Wait, Esumi. This is not what I wanted to ask you." He held her hand so soft and firm, like she always remembered. "Please," she heard him plea. "I need your help."

What could Esumi do? Despite what she felt now, she still loved him, and she couldn't just leave him to ruin his life. Besides, she still needed to tell him about what Irving had said. She sighed and turned back to his sorrowful face. "You should know something, Jowan. I did talk to Irving, and-"

"He's going to make me tranquil. I already know," he interrupted her.

"Y-You do? How?"

"Lily already told me."

Esumi began to feel the anger boiling inside her again. If he knew Esumi could find out, then why ask her to find out as well? "Why did you ask me to find out if you already knew?"

"I didn't know when I asked you," he said. "And I didn't ask Lily to look into it, she just did."

"I was able to become friendly with one of the templars I grew up with in the abbey," Lily pointed out. "I did it because I obviously wanted to know. Jowan was so distraught about it. So one day when I was talking to the templar, I was able to obtain the information by pretending that I was interested in what happened during a tranquility session. I asked if I could witness the next one, which he told me would be Jowan's."

Esumi stood still. She took her hand from Jowan. "So you know. Then I assume you also know that I can't do anything about it. I'm... sorry."

"Don't be," he said making his way back to Lily's side. "But I do need your help with something. You know how I feel about becoming tranquil. I hate the thought. I can't stand it. To see Owain, and the others. You've seen them, how they just stand there and stare, nothing on their faces and in their eyes. I don't want to be like that. I wouldn't be able to feel or care. I would forget you, forget Keiven, and... forget Lily." Jowan closed his eyes and Esumi could see the struggle inside of him. She hated seeing him like this. She could tell Lily felt the same by the way she held his hand and stroked his arm ever so gently. Esumi wished it was she doing that.

She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "What is it that you want to do?"

Jowan looked up at her and smiled. It was nice to see that smile, but it still didn't seem to unfreeze her heart completely. "I have a plan. Something that is going to be hard, but it's the only way. You see, Lily and I are in love, and we are both willing to leave this life in order to be together. If we can get into the reformatory and destroy my phylactery, then we would be able to escape and live out our lives in peace."

"Destroy your phylactery? Jowan, are you mad?"

"I know it sounds crazy, but if we do it together, then I know we can pull it off. That's why I need your help."

Esumi bite her lip. She knew this wasn't such a good idea, but it was what he needed to do in order to stay who he was, yet there was one other thing she needed to know. "I'll help, but there is one thing I need to know first."

Jowan nodded his head, ready for anything she might ask him.

Esumi went straight to the point. "Are you really a blood mage?"

Jowan sighed. "I already told you this, Esumi. I'm not a blood mage."

"I want to believe you, Jowan, but... It's just that Irving said he had people witness you performing blood magic, and that you've been sneaking around at night."

"Of course I've been sneaking around! It's the only way Lily and I could see each other. Who ever these people are, they probably didn't know what I was doing and _assumed_ I was using blood magic."

"Do you swear?"

"I swear."

Esumi looked into his eyes and knew that he was telling the truth. She knew he wouldn't lie to her. "Okay, I believe you. Just don't make me regret it, but breaking into the reformatory isn't going to be easy."

"No, it's not," Jowan said shaking his head.

"There are three things that we need," said Lily. "The key, the password, and a powerful spell."

"So then how do we get these things?"

"I already have the password," Lily continued. "From the same templar. I helped perform a favor for him by getting his niece into the abbey. As for the powerful spell, that shouldn't be a problem if both you and Jowan perform one together."

"What about the key?" Esumi asked. "Where is it, and how do we get that? Unless you already did."

"Yes... and no," said Jowan. "We know where the key is." Esumi had to look at him more closely as he seemed to be hiding something in that statement.

"Okay, so then where is it?"

"It's locked in Greagoir's office."

"Ah, well then you can forget that," said Esumi. "There is no way you can get into Greagoir's office and take the key to the reformatory. That's impossible!"

"Not entirely," Jowan stated slowly. "You see, before you came here, I ran into Keiven, and told him about the plan. He jumped at the chance."

"You what?"

"He wanted to know what was going on. Besides, I was going to tell him anyway. Both of you are my best friends."

"Please don't tell me..." Esumi said as she started to realize what he was saying. "What is Keiven doing right now?"

"He's breaking into Greagoir's office," Jowan said with a timid smile.

Esumi just stared at him. "What...?"

"Now don't be mad at me. It was actually his idea. He wanted to get the key so he could say he did something, and you know how he is. I'm sure he'll be fine."

"How could you do this!" Esumi nearly yelled. Her fury was now boiling over, but she checked her anger. Yelling and screaming in a chantry wasn't a very good idea. She calmed herself down before saying anything else, though her voice was harder than usual. "I can't believe you would let him to that. I mean, he's just a boy, Jowan! If he gets caught then he'll suffer greatly. You know this!"

"I know, but..."

"No, you don't know, do you? Keiven has always looked up to you, like a role model. He gladly follows you where ever you go because he respects you greatly. I... I can't believe you would... Ah!" She had to stop before she lost herself again.

Jowan was looking down again. Apparently ashamed of what he was allowing Keiven to do. "I'm sorry," he said. "But it was the only thing that we could come up with, and like I said, it was his idea."

"That doesn't mean anything," Esumi said softly. "But I guess there's nothing we can do about it, is there? He's doing it right now? Let's just pray he can do it."

"Keiven's very good at sneaking around. I'm sure he'll be fine."

Esumi rubbed her hand on her face. There was a lot going on today that was starting to get to her. "So, once Keiven gets the key, then we go to the reformatory and perform the spell to open the door?"

"That's exactly it," said Jowan. "And once my phylactery is destroyed then me and Lily can run off together and start a new life. I'll give up magic so we can hide better, and maybe find a nice farm somewhere and start a family. That would be really nice."

Although it was hurting Esumi to see him like this, she also couldn't help but to feel happy for him at the same time. He was staring back in Lily's eyes as he spoke, and the two of them seemed to be sharing the same vision. The more she looked at her, the more Esumi realized that Lily was pretty. Not really the type of girl she thought Jowan liked, but he did still surprise her from time to time. It was heart-warming, actually to see them the way they were. And if Esumi could give Jowan anything he wanted, she would help him have this.

"Just make sure you write me every now and then," she said. "So I can still be in contact with you."

"Of course," said Jowan.

"And then once you two get situated, I'll come and visit and then all four of us can go to Nihonnen together." But her small bit of happiness that was forming soon began to fade away at the new look on Jowan's face.

"I'm sorry, Esumi, but I don't think we'll be able to do that," he said. "It may be too dangerous for me and Lily to travel. Staying in a secluded spot will be the best thing for us."

She couldn't believe what she had just heard. Esumi stood fixed, staring at him with a new emotion bubbling up her throat. She could take him finding love with another woman. She could take the fact that he was willing to put Keiven in harms way. But this? "You're taking back your promise?" she choked out.

"Y-Yes," he stuttered, seeing the look forming in her eyes. "But it's not like I want to. Things just happened. If I wasn't being blamed for being a blood mage then this wouldn't be happening, and we could go to Nihonnen like we planned."

Tears welled in Esumi's eyes. She couldn't believe he was doing this. She couldn't believe that he would break the one promise he made to her that truly mattered. It was the very thing she had been striving for her whole life. Going to her home country with him had been a dream. Now it was shattering.

"Forget it," she said, tears running down her face. "You can go and ruin your life without me." Esumi ran out of the altar, eyes swimming.

"Esumi! Wait!" Jowan tried to run after her, but he was stopped by Lily.

"Let her go," she said gently. "You can't just run after her like that."

Jowan looked at Lily confused. "What am I suppose to do? I probably just made the worst mistake in my life."

"I'm not actually sure what it is that you promised, but it looks as if it meant a lot to her."

"I promised to go with her to Nihonnen. Her birthplace."

"I've never heard of it."

"No one has," Jowan sighed. "So you can obviously see why this is so hard for her."

"There's also other things I see," said Lily.

"Like what?"

"You mean you don't know?" Lily asked him puzzled. Jowan shook his head. Lily sighed and took his hands, stroking the top with her thumb. "She loves you, and not just something as simple as friendship."

"She does? I never noticed. I've always seen her more like a sister than anything else."

"I was surprised you didn't," Lily continued. "After all the praise you gave her, I thought I saw something in your eyes when you spoke her name."

"I do love her, Lily, but not in the same way I love you." Jowan pulled her into his embrace and squeezed her close. He laid his head on her shoulder. "But what do we do now? Without her help we can't get into the reformatory."

"No, I still think we can," said Lily. "As long as Keiven is successful, then we may still be able to pull this off, but first... there is something you need to do. You need to go and confront Esumi. Try and reason with her, and if she doesn't want to help, then at least clear the air between the two of you. I know if you don't then you'll regret it forever."

Jowan knew that Lily told the truth. He needed to go find Esumi. He hated that he made her cry. "I'll go now, then."

"And I'll wait here for you," said Lily. "It might be best if I wasn't present."

Jowan pulled her in for a kiss before letting go and walking out of the altar. He focused himself, knowing that he needed to get things right. Esumi was his friend, and he wasn't going to leave her upset and hurt. Especially if it was he who caused it.


	7. Letting Go

**Letting Go**

By habit Esumi found herself back on the first floor, running into her old room. She stopped short, in front of the bed that used to be hers. It was bare now, with nothing on it but a mattress. She stared at it, wondering why she was being so emotional today. That was the second time she had run out of a room crying. Wasn't this suppose to be a happy day for her? She had passed her Harrowing, so why did it seem like everything was going wrong today? There was no reason for her to be feeling like this.

Slowly she took in deep breaths and wiped her eyes. There would be no more crying today. She would make sure of that, at least.

"Esumi, what are you doing here?" Esumi turned around to see Kinnon staring at her with confusion. "Didn't you get moved to the mage's quarters upstairs?"

"Oh, yes," Esumi said hoping her face wasn't horrible looking and that she had wiped the evidence from her eyes away good enough. She apparently did, as Kinnon didn't seem to say anything. "I was just looking for Jowan."

"Oh, well he's not here," he answered. "I don't know where he went."

"That's all right. I'll go look for him elsewhere then." Esumi made her way out of the room and away from Kinnon's suspicion that was starting to cross his face. Maybe he had noticed something.

When she went through the door, as was also habit, she glanced over in the direction that would have been where Cullen stood. As before, the same new templar was still there. He was checking out his fingernails instead of really paying attention to anything. Esumi wondered if all templars were like that at some point. They had to have gotten bored from just standing there all day.

Ignoring the new templar, she began making her way to the younger apprentice quarters down the hall. She wanted to know if Keiven had returned yet. To make sure he was all right and hadn't gotten caught. When she entered the room, she went straight to his bed, only to find it empty. She knew that it more than likely was, but it didn't stop her from feeling disappointed. She still couldn't believe Jowan had allowed this. Keiven wasn't suppose to be snatching keys from the knight-commander's office. He was suppose to be practicing his shield spells. Shield spells were one of Keiven's weakest talents, and he needed to work on them. But Esumi did know how well Keiven was with sneaking around. He was probably the best mage when it came to stealth. He would always be able to find things out before they were announced. In fact, it was he who told Esumi and Jowan about Ostagar even before Irving could say anything.

"Hello, Ms. Esumi, how are you today?" she heard a voice say behind her. Esumi turned around to find herself facing two young girls. They both held books in their hands and looked up at Esumi with fascination.

"Hello girls, I'm doing just fine, thank you."

"We heard that you passed the Harrowing with a new record," said the first girl. She was the one who had spoken before. "And we just wanted to come over and congratulate you."

"That's very sweet of you."

"You're welcome," said the second. "We hope that when we go in for our Harrowings that we can do just as good as you."

"Keep studying and you will," said Esumi. "So do any of you happen to know where Keiven is?"

The two girls looked at each other then shook their heads. "Nope," said the first.

"Haven't seen him all day," the second commented.

"Oh, well, thank you anyway. I guess I'll go look for him some place else. Thank you again, girls, but I should get going." Esumi was about to leave when she noticed the girls whispering to each other, one more forceful than the other. She could hear the first trying to convince the second to ask her something. "Girls," she said putting her hands on her hips. "If you want to ask me something then go right ahead. I won't bite your head off, you know."

The girls stopped their whispering and looked at her before the second one finally spoke. "Well, Mary-" the other girl gave her a hard nudge in the ribs "-I mean, _we_, wanted to know where that cute templar went that was just outside your door. I mean, there he was yesterday, and now today he got replaced with a nose picker. You don't happen to know where he went, do you?"

Esumi had to fight hard to keep herself from laughing. Were these girls serious? "You do realize, girls, that you shouldn't be thinking of templars that way."

"We know," said the second girl. "But he was really cute."

"Cute or not, templars are here to perform a duty, not to indulge young girls with their fantasies. Just try and forget about him and focus on your studies."

"Oh," Mary sighed. "I guess you're right."

"Hey, didn't Angie say something about Derrick being into you, or something?" said the second girl.

"Yeah, but Derrick is ugly. He's got that big nose."

"Aren't you girls a little young to be into boys?" Esumi asked.

The girls began giggling, covering their mouths. "No," said Mary. "But I guess now with that templar gone, I might be able to look past Derrick's nose. Come on Lucy, let's go see what he's up to!" Esumi watched as the two girls ran off, placing their books down on beds before leaving the room. She sighed, remembering those days and glad they were gone. Course, what was going on now didn't seem any better. She also felt somewhat like a hypocrite, as she was trying to be friends with a templar, after all. The fact that it happen to be the same templar made Esumi smile and chuckle a little.

After looking around one more time, Esumi then left the room and began making her way down the hall again toward the main atrium. In here there were no mages, only four templars. Two of them were sitting down at a table, playing what looked like chess. On the other side of the room were the main doors that lead to another room with a spiral staircase that lead down to the docks just below Esumi's feet. This was the only way in and out of the tower. The other two templars stood at the large doors, watching the other two play their game.

Esumi stood in the doorway between the hall and atrium. On the other end of the atrium was another hall that lead to a portion of the templar quarters. There were other places that the templars slept on other levels of the tower, but it was down this hall where Greagoir's office was located. Esumi looked down the hall, then at the four templars. She wondered if Keiven was still down there. Slowly she began walking past the large doors and to the other hall, trying to be as nonchalant as possible.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" Esumi stopped and saw the two templars playing chess staring at her suspiciously. The other two templars were staring at her as well, but they seemed more curious than suspicious.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, sounding surprised. "I didn't know where I was going. I'm just really deep in thought right now."

"Well go and be deep in thought someplace else," said the templar farthest from her at the table. "You know mages aren't allowed in there."

"Oh, yes, of course I know that. Again, I apologize and will be going this way instead." She turned herself around, but not before seeing something in the corner of her eye down the templar hall. She wasn't sure what it was, and didn't look back to take another look. If it did happen to be Keiven, then maybe he was trying to tell her something.

Esumi began walking again, but this time she walked up to the large doors the other two templars were guarding. She regarded the doors, staring at them intensely. "Those are big doors," she said.

"Yes, they are big. Thank you for pointing out the obvious," said one of the templars. "Are you going to stand there and stare at them, or are you going to keep moving?"

"I was just wondering," Esumi continued. "Are you templars always here? I mean, not just you, but all templars around the tower. I never seem to see any of you leave your posts. Don't you get hungry or have to use the bathroom or anything?"

"Of course we do," said the templar. "I've had to use the toilet for the last six hours, but we aren't allowed."

"Why not?"

"I don't really have to answer you, mage. That's just how things are."

"Seems kind of odd. After all, I'm sure it's not very pleasant to have to run after a malificar with a full bladder and an empty stomach."

"It's not like that," said the other templar. "We can go to the bathroom. This guy here is not going because he's got some type of problem."

"Hey! Andraste's flaming sword! Don't tell her that!"

"It's okay," said Esumi. "I won't tell anybody."

The templar glared at her. "Unless you want to be thrown in the dungeons for disturbing us, then I suggest you keep moving, mage."

Esumi gave them a slight bow before departing, finding herself back in the apprentice hall. She began laughing once she was out of the templar's earshot. Her laughing then abruptly ended when she was yanked into the younger apprentice's room.

"What are you laughing about?" Keiven asked her.

Esumi straightened herself when she realized who it was that pulled her in. "Oh, nothing. If you didn't hear it, then I can't tell you."

"Okay, then can you at least tell me what you were doing?"

"I was looking for you." Esumi became more focused now and looked down at Keiven with narrowed eyes and arms crossed over her chest. "I can't believe you! How could you do something so stupid?"

"So you knew what I was doing?"

"Yes."

"Then you know why I did it," Keiven said getting a bit of a temper. "I'm not going to let them turn Jowan tranquil. This is the only way for us not to lose him."

"Except we will lose him anyway." Esumi lowered her hands. She couldn't really be mad at Keiven. He was only doing what he thought best for his friend. She sighed. "Were you successful?"

Keiven's anger was replaced with a smile. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a large iron key. "Yep."

Esumi looked at the key and her heart began to freeze again. Now there was no stopping Jowan from continuing on with his plan. The struggle inside her had started again. Even though she didn't want to see Jowan become tranquil, especially over stupid rumors, she also couldn't stand the thought of losing him this way either. How long had they been friends? How long had she had these feelings for him?

A very long time.

"She's not as pretty as you, Esumi," Keiven said, seeing the hurt in her eyes. "I always thought you and Jowan would get together, but I guess not."

Esumi could only look at him and blink. "It's... it's okay, Keiven. I only want to see him happy."

"And forsake your own?" Keiven placed his hands on his hips. "I should go kick his ass."

"No, you will not."

"Well, you better tell me what I'm doing real quick because he's coming."

"What?" Esumi turned around only to turn back when she saw Jowan in the corner of her eye. He was walking over to the two of them slowly. Esumi couldn't stand to look at him right now. "You go talk to him," she said.

"Alright, I will." Keiven walked past her and stopped Jowan before he could come up to them. "What did you do?" Keiven asked.

"What's wrong with you?" Jowan said, sounding confused.

"You made Esumi sad, and I think she's been crying, so you better have a good excuse and I won't make your impending beating too harsh."

"Keiven, please. I need to talk to Esumi."

"She doesn't want to talk to you."

"And how do you know?"

"Because she sent me here. Now tell me what happened!"

She heard Jowan sigh. He sounded so frustrated and sad. She felt bad for making him like this. "Keiven, let him pass," she said. "I'll talk, but only briefly." She turned her head and looked at Jowan, seeing his own hurt. It was making it harder for her to hate him.

Keiven still stood between them, looking from one to the another, trying to figure out what to do. "You know I love both of you, right? So you two better make up or else maybe I'll kick both of your-"

"Keiven," Esumi said sternly. "I don't want to hear that word out of your mouth again."

"Sorry."

Jowan made his way past the younger mage and stood by Esumi's side. She was still unable to look him in the eyes fully.

"Hey Keiven, do you think you could let us be alone for a moment?" said Jowan.

"No."

"It's alright, Keiven, you can go," said Esumi.

"Okay, but I'll be right here if you need me. A knight never leaves his lady very far." Keiven walked to the other side of the room and sat on his bed. He sat there, still staring at them, never taking his eyes off Esumi. It was then that she noticed the three of them were the only ones in the room. She thanked the Maker for that at least.

"Would you like to sit?" Jowan said gesturing to the bed next to them. Esumi sat, but on the bed opposite of his. Jowan came and sat down next to her. "Look..." he began.

"Jowan, I know what you're going to say," Esumi interrupted him. "I shouldn't expect you to do anything, especially with how things have changed all of a sudden. It's just so hard to except that I might lose you, and it doesn't seem to matter which way." She could begin to feel the tears forming again, but she held them back. She already said there would be no more crying today.

Jowan took in a deep breath. "Do you think I like this? It's not like I have a choice in the matter. If I could choose to be here and become a mage in order to stay with you guys then I would. I love Lily, but we could always continue like we have been. Obviously, if not even you or Keiven knew about it until today, then we must have been doing something right."

Esumi had to look at him now. "You know you would have eventually gotten caught."

"Maybe, but you never know."

Esumi sat up straight and stared at the ceiling. She felt further away from Jowan then she ever had before. It was something she didn't like, and she wished that everything would go back to the way it was before all this.

"Do you love me?" she heard him ask, making her look back at him.

"Of course I love you," she said.

"I don't mean as a friend, or as a brother, perhaps," he stated. "But as something more."

Esumi's checks became hot and she had to look away from him again. Jowan gently took her chin and lifted her face back to his, making her stare in his eyes.

"It's okay," he said softly. "You can tell me."

Esumi took his hand from her chin. He entwined his fingers into hers, and she tried to pull them apart, but he wouldn't let her. Soon, she gave up and let their hands rest in her lap. His face never left hers even when she looked away from him again. She was trying to determine how to tell him. How does one say something like this?

"I... did," she finally said.

"You did?"

"I mean, I still do, but... I'm not sure what to feel now."

"How long have you felt this way?"

"For as long as I can remember." She was soon brave enough to stare him in the eyes. He looked back at her with compassion and serenity. It made her feel good to know that he still cared about her at least.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

"It's just recently that I realized it myself. I just... didn't know if you felt the same way. I also wasn't sure how to tell you. You're not very good with emotions, you know."

"No, I'm not," he said finally letting go of her hand. He then placed both of them on her shoulders, making her fully face him. "But I still care for you, and you know you can tell me anything, as I know I can tell you. I just wish you had."

"It wouldn't have mattered any," said Esumi. "Even if I did, you would still be made tranquil."

"I wouldn't be sneaking around to meet up with Lily."

And now Esumi was hating herself. If she had only told him what she felt then maybe all of this unhappiness could be averted. It made her want to cry even more, but she still held it back. "But it's too late now, isn't it? No matter what happens, it will all end the same... with me losing you."

"You will never lose me." Jowan brought her close to him and he kissed her gently on the lips. At first she froze, unsure of what he was doing before she soon relaxed and parted her lips to kiss him back. It was the kiss she had dreamed about, but it came too late.

When they parted, Jowan placed his forehead on hers. "I'm sorry."

"I just want you happy."

"As long as you are, I am." He then stood up and helped her off the bed. "Once Lily and I are situated, I will write you and I will make it up to you somehow. I don't know if it'll be possible, but I will try to keep my promise and go to Nihonnen with you. I just can't be sure."

"It's all right, Jowan. I understand."

"It's not like you should, though. I know how much it means to you, and I hate that I made you feel this way. It was never my intention."

"So then you're still going through with the plan?"

"As long as Keiven got the key."

"It's right here, Jowan," Keiven said right behind them. He walked in between the two and shifted his eyes from one to the other. "Glad to see you both have made up. Does that mean you're friends again?"

"We never stopped being friends," said Esumi. "It was just a rough patch."

"So does that mean you'll help get into the reformatory?" Jowan asked.

Esumi wasn't sure. It was true that she wanted to help him, but the thought had never settled well with her. Breaking into the reformatory was a very serious offense, especially if they were going in to destroy a phylactery. That was a way to be branded an apostate, as the phylacteries were used to help templars track apostates down and bring them to justice. If they were caught, not only would Jowan still become a tranquil, but she would get punished as well for being an accomplice. She wasn't sure what her punishment might be, but she knew that not even Irving would be able to save her.

"Please say you're coming," said Keiven.

"What?" Esumi said shocked. "Don't tell me you're going as well?"

"Of course I am! I didn't get this key just to watch you two sneak into the reformatory without me. I want to see what's in there. Maybe even find my own phylactery and destroy it."

"That's not very smart, Keiven."

"Okay, maybe not, but you are coming, right?"

Esumi sighed and closed her eyes. She couldn't do it. "No," she said. "I can't go with you."

Keiven looked at her with shock, but Jowan's expression didn't change. He nodded his head and placed his hand on her shoulder. "I understand," he said. "And I don't hate you for not wanting to help. Just know that I love you and when we are successfully free and safe from this place, then I'll write you and tell you what is going on."

"I'll be looking forward to it."

Jowan smiled at her and she smiled back. Keiven, however, couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Are you sure you don't want to come, Esumi? Come on! This might be the last time the three of us do anything together."

"I know, and it's not like I haven't thought about it, it's just... You just be careful in there, okay. It's already hurting enough to know you're going in. I would hate to hear that you got hurt or something awful like that."

"You don't need to worry about me, Esumi," Keiven said. "I know how to take care of myself, and I'll make sure Jowan is safe, too."

Esumi shook her head. She then faced back at Jowan and the two of them smiled at each other once more. It was a smile she loved and a pang went through her when she realized it might be the last time she would see it. In an instant, Esumi took Jowan into her embrace and squeezed him close to her. He squeezed back, and they stayed that way for some time.

"I love you," Jowan whispered in her ear.

"I love you, too," she whispered back.

They let go, and Esumi turned to walk away, not before coming to the doorframe and looking back one last time at the two men who she loved more than anything in her life. They both stared back at her with small smiles and expressions that were a mix of sadness, respect, and gratitude.

_Sayounara, watashi no hikari. Anata no kokoro no naka ni arimashita._

When Esumi made her way back out in the hall, she could feel the tears beginning to flow again. "Damn it," she cursed herself. "I said I would not cry anymore today. What in the sodding Fade is wrong with me?"

She wiped her eyes as she walked briskly down the hall and through the library, ignoring all who said her name. She wasn't sure what time it was, but she knew she needed someone to talk to. It was time to go see Cullen.


	8. Friends, Never

**Friends, Never**

He had to tell her no. There was no way of getting around it. Cullen didn't like the thought of upsetting her, but he had no choice. They could not be friends, even if it was something he wished for himself. He had thought about it, and the more he did, the more he came to the conclusion of telling her no. She was a mage, he was a templar, and nothing would change that.

Only about an hour after she left him, Cullen had decided, and during the time that he waited for her, he had even come up with a speech to explain why he had to say no. He had practiced and rehearsed it over and over again in his head. Cullen didn't want to mess it up, this was too important.

He continued practicing the speech, walking back and forth in the alcove. It wasn't until he heard footsteps in the hall that he stopped and went back to his position. Every time he heard someone coming, he would do this, thinking maybe it was her, but finding it to only be some other mage or templar just making their way down the hall and up the stairs. These footsteps, however, proved to be something different. They weren't her, but instead that other mage, Jowan.

Cullen took his position where he could still see Jowan perfectly in the hall, but the mage couldn't see him. He watched as the mage went to every door and knocked if the door was shut, or peered his head in if it was not. He keep doing this till finally he came to the stairs, and stared over at the entrance to the alcove. Cullen knew he would more than likely come this way, so he positioned himself to fully block the entrance. When Jowan turned the corner, he nearly ran into him.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Jowan said when he walked into Cullen. "I didn't see you there. Is this where you were repositioned?"

"What are you doing here, mage?" Cullen asked. "You know you have no business in this part of the tower."

"Yes, I know," said Jowan. "It's just... I'm looking for Esumi. I know it's a long shot, but she doesn't happen to be living in there now, is she?"

Cullen didn't take his gaze from Jowan. He only stared at him wondering what was going on. He had thought Esumi and Jowan were together. A thought he didn't like, but if Esumi hadn't even told him yet where her new room was, then maybe he was wrong. It was a little sobering.

"She's not in there at the moment, no."

"Oh, all right, thank you," said Jowan. "You didn't happen to see her going up the stairs by chance?"

Cullen sighed, clearly showing his annoyance. "No."

"Thank you again. Maybe she went down to the apprentice quarters. I'll check there and leave you be."

"Do that, please."

Cullen watched as Jowan turned around and headed down the hall and around the bend. It wasn't until he disappeared that Cullen slumped his shoulders. He wondered what was going on. Jowan had looked somewhat stressed and maybe even a little concerned. Cullen started to be concerned himself. Was everything all right? Did something happen? Was Esumi all right?

"Ah!" Cullen moaned. He needed to stop thinking of her like that, especially if he was going to tell her no. And especially if he wanted to forget about her completely. Worrying about a mage's safety was not something a templar did.

He went back to rehearsing his speech. It was helping.

Not too long afterwards, maybe an hour after Jowan left, Cullen heard footsteps in the hall again. They were quieter and slow. He took back his position, and looked out into the hall. Esumi stood out in the hall, head hung low and eyes closed. She looked so sad. He watched as she lifted up her head and looked toward the ceiling as if she were trying to hold back tears. She placed her hands on her eyes and leaned her back against the wall, sliding down it and wrapping her arms around her knees. It looked as if she was shaking.

It took everything Cullen had to keep his feet cemented to the ground. He wanted to run out to her, hold her and see what was wrong. He wanted to tell her that everything was all right, that he was here, and nothing bad would happen. But he couldn't. He did wonder why she was crying. Did it have something to do with Jowan? If so, then Cullen thought he should go find the bloody mage and kick his ass for making Esumi cry, but again, he had to shake the thoughts away. Quickly Cullen averted his gaze from her and backed up deeper in the alcove so he couldn't see her, but he could still hear her. The slow, soft sobs admitting from her throat seemed to pound in his ears, they were so loud to him. Perhaps only to him they were loud, while to everyone else they were nothing.

Cullen closed his eyes and concentrated on his speech, saying it over and over again to drown her out. It was working, somewhat, but then he stopped when he heard no more from her. He stayed where he was, fixated right to the spot as he listened to her robes brush the ground and her feet begin to make their way over to the alcove. He gazed over at the entrance and saw as she emerged there, standing perfectly natural, and her face dry and looking as if she hadn't been crying at all.

"Hello," she said.

"H-Hi." _Seriously? I can't even say 'hi' without stuttering?_

"How have you been today?" she asked him sweetly.

"I've been... good," he said slowly to keep from stuttering.

"I'm glad to hear it. I brought you something." He hadn't noticed it at first, but Esumi did have her hands behind her back. She brought out something that was wrapped in cloth. She unwrapped it to reveal a small loaf of bread and cheese. "I thought you might be hungry," she said handing it to him. "I'm not exactly sure how you templars eat, so I thought I might bring it to you anyway."

Cullen stared at it, not sure what to do.

"It's not poisoned," she chuckled. "You can trust me. Course, if you don't want it, I'll understand."

"No, I'll take it," he said seeing the disappointment on her face. He did happen to notice he was a little hungry. He took the food from her and smelled it. The bread was fresh and warm. Just recently baked and taken from the oven. It made his stomach rumble.

"I'm not trying to soften you up, or anything," said Esumi when she saw the way he looked at the food. "This is only because I thought you needed it... not because of the other thing."

Cullen stared up at her. This was it. He knew it was coming.

"So... might as well just go ahead and say it, then. Have you thought about what I asked earlier?"

Cullen breathed in deep, the speech lining up in his mind, ready to be released. He went to open his mouth... but then something happened. He completely forgot the speech. It was snatched away from his mind almost instantaneously. Then something else happened. Something horrible and wicked. It was as if he had completely lost control of his body. His mind screamed at him to stop, but his body wouldn't listen. He was still talking, words coming out of his mouth, but they were not what he wanted to say.

"I would love to be friends," was what came out instead. He then froze, shutting his mouth tight and staring wide eyed past Esumi. What had he just done?

"Really?" Esumi said sounding relieved. A smile went across her face, and when he looked at it, he knew that it was too late to take it back. It was the smile he loved, the very one that had melted his heart so many times, even if she wasn't smiling at him. Now that she was, he had to concentrate so hard to stay on his feet, to keep from completely losing himself. And as he stared into it, he realized that it was _he_ who had put it there, that it was _he _who had made her happy after just recently watching her cry. It made him feel good, and it made him realize that there couldn't be anything wrong with being her friend. Not when she smiled like that.

"I have to admit that I thought you would say no again," Esumi said. "But I guess even you are full of surprises."

"I... guess so."

"If you want, you can eat that now." She gestured to the bread and cheese.

"Oh." Cullen looked at the food and sniffed it again. If he was going to eat it, now would be the best time. "Thank you."

Esumi smiled at him again. "Dou itashimashite."

"What?"

"Oh, sorry," she said covering her mouth. "I forgot that you're not used to me saying such things to you. You see, I'm actually not from Ferelden. I'm from a small island located far off in the Amaranthine Ocean called Nihonnen. Not many people know about it, and in fact I think I might be the only one from there in the entire country."

"I did not know that," Cullen said, even though he really did.

"Dou itashimashite means 'you're welcome', by the way."

Cullen nodded his head. He had heard her say it before along with other such words, but he had never gathered what they meant. He went to take a piece of the bread, but then noticed Esumi's smile was gone. She was looking away from him, out to the hall, that sad express back on her face. Cullen sighed and wrapped the bread and cheese back up, and placed it on the ground next to him.

Esumi saw him do this and looked at him with wonder. "Do you not like it?"

"I do," he said. "But you look like you need to talk, and if so, I don't wish to be rude with a full mouth."

"Oh, well I actually would... but I don't know. It's somewhat of a long story."

"Hey," he said crossing his arms. "If we're going to be friends, then you need to be able to talk to me, right?" He had already broken a rule, he might as well go ahead and find out what was wrong. He couldn't stand to see her like that. He wanted that smile back. Cullen was also surprised how well he could talk to her now without stuttering. He wondered why that was.

"I guess you're right," Esumi stated slowly. "I just don't know where to begin."

"How about from the beginning."

Esumi sighed lightly. "That would work." She went on to tell him about Jowan and his fears of becoming tranquil, as well as why he was scheduled to go through with it.

"I don't understand," she said. "They're just rumors. He told me himself that he wasn't a blood mage." Cullen stood quiet as he listened. He had heard the rumors about Jowan being a blood mage. Normally he would have ignored such rumors, but because he knew Jowan was close to Esumi, he had listened intently to this one. He hadn't really heard much though, and knew nothing about him becoming tranquil. Even though he didn't like Jowan very much, he still didn't want to see him go through with it, not if it made Esumi look sad. But Cullen knew there was nothing that could be done. Once the first enchanter and knight-commander signed the Right, it was done.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I know you two were close."

"We were very close," she said softly.

"Did you love him?"

Esumi stared into his eyes. Her own sad and large. He could barely see into them without shaking. "I do," she said, and he felt a twitch in his heart. "But nothing will become of it."

"Because he's going to be made tranquil." Cullen looked away from her.

"In part."

He looked back at her, wondering what she meant.

Esumi saw the confusion in his face. "When I told you I would return after dealing with something, I was going to go meet with him. He was going to tell me a secret. And it was that he had found and fell in love with another woman."

_That son of a bitch!_ Cullen thought as he narrowed his eyes. _Seriously? How could he find something better than Esumi? I really should go and kill him. _"I guess that would be hard for you," he said more calmly than he thought he could.

"She's pretty, though. Nice, and... good for him. But..." He sensed that she was holding something back. Maybe she felt bad for revealing this to him. After all, it was a secret her friend had been keeping, even from her, which meant that there had to be something else to it than what she was saying. "I guess that's just how it goes."

Cullen bit his lower lip. _It doesn't have to be. You deserve so much better._ "So then what does she think about him becoming tranquil?"

"I... I don't know if I should tell you this," she said looking as if she was struggling within herself.

He had apparently hit on something. "You can tell me."

"No, I don't think I can. You're a templar."

Now his curiosity was piqued. What was she hiding? He could see it in her eyes that she wanted to tell him, but was too afraid of what might happen. Whatever it was, it was bad and he needed to get it out of her. "Esumi, I thought we were friends?"

"Not fair," she said putting her fists on her hips. "That's my line." She looked cute that way, but he couldn't let her derail him from the conversation.

"Esumi... Come on."

She was thinking, fighting with herself inside. "Alright, I'll tell you, but only if you promise not to act like a templar when you hear it."

This made Cullen laugh. "I don't know if I can do that, especially if it's something bad. I still have to do my duty. You're making me nervous here. What's going on?"

Esumi sighed and finally relented. "Fine. Just... just don't be too rash." She shook her head. "Maker, I feel like I'm betraying them."

"What is it?" Now he was becoming panicked. Several things were going through his mind: his duty and her. The two things that seemed to constantly fight each other.

"Jowan doesn't want to be tranquil, and the woman he loves... well, she doesn't want that either, so they came up with a plan." Esumi stopped and wrinkled her nose, staring back out into the hallway. "They're going to break into the reformatory and destroy his phylactery so they can escape."

Cullen's eyes went wide. "_What?_ Are you serious?"

"Don't!" Esumi cried. "I see it in your face. You're acting like a templar."

"I _am_ a templar! And I cannot let this happen." Cullen moved by her, walking out into the hall and making his way through it.

"Wait!" he heard her shout at him. He stopped and turned to see her. "Don't, please! I told you that in confidence!"

"I'm sorry, Esumi, but it is my duty to inform the knight-commander of this. I will keep you anonymous, though."

"But Keiven is with them! Please, he's just a boy!"

Cullen had to hold his breath as he saw her beginning to shake, eyes watering. Was he really going to do this to her? Yes, he had to, there was no choice. Duty came before anything, including friendship, and her. He didn't like seeing her like that, but maybe he could make it up to her later. That was of course if she would even talk to him again.

He turned back around, saying nothing. There was nothing for him to say. It was not his decision on what might happen to the two mages that he knew Esumi loved more than anything. But maybe he could do something. What that was, though, he couldn't be sure.


	9. The Lie

**The Lie**

Cullen was glad that Esumi didn't follow him all the way down to the first floor. He didn't want her to try and stop him again, cause if she did, then it might have actually worked. Those jade orbs of hers had really worked on everything he had. Especially when they were filled with tears. He was glad that he was able to deflect from them. It told him that he was at least stronger than he thought when it came to resisting her spell.

When he got down to the library, he knew what he had to do. He could go straight to the reformatory and see if it had been opened or not. If Jowan and Keiven were in there, then... That's when his plan seemed to fizz out. He wasn't sure what he was going to do about it. If he had the two mages caught, then that would hurt Esumi, and even if he wanted to forget about her, he didn't want to do it like this. But his duty fought with him, telling him that he had to stop that mage from destroying his phylactery. Yet, no matter how hard he tried, Cullen could not get her eyes out of his mind. He slowed his pace as he thought. There had to be something he could do. It wasn't until he reached the area between the library and the apprentice quarters that he got his answer. This was the area where the reformatory door, leading down, was. Standing around the door were several templars, with Greagoir and Irving at the front. Cullen stopped short, realizing that now it didn't matter what he did. Greagoir already knew and was more than likely waiting for them to come out.

"We did it! We did it, Lily! I can't believe it." That was Jowan's voice Cullen heard coming from just below the stairs of the reformatory. He watched as the mage plus a priest walked up the steps, acting almost ignorant to the templars standing before them. As he watched and saw how they acted toward one another, and held each others hands, then it all made sense to Cullen. No wonder Esumi was reluctant to tell him more. Who he didn't see however was the young blonde mage, Keiven. But Cullen knew he was there. More than likely hiding below the stairs.

"So it is true, then," said Greagoir as he walked up to Jowan and the priest. This startled them, and he saw terror in the priest's eyes.

"G-Greagoir," she stuttered.

"An initiate, conspiring with a blood mage. I'm disappointed Lily." He walked to her and grabbed her chin, examining her fully if not roughly. Jowan backed away, but not without looking as if he might attack the knight-commander. "She seems shocked, but fully in control of her own mind. Not a thrall of the blood mage, then." When he was done, Greagoir walked back to Irving's side. "So that can only mean that the initiate has betrayed us. The Chantry will not let this go unpunished."

"And neither will the Circle," Irving followed.

Jowan looked like he was beginning to get angry, something Cullen rarely saw in the mage. "Do you really care about us?" he nearly screamed at the first enchanter. "Or do you just bow down to the Chantry's every whim?"

"I do what I must in order to ensure the safety of everyone here," said Irving. "You disappoint me, Jowan, for what you have become."

"Enough!" Greagoir cried. "As knight-commander of the templars based here assembled, I sentence this blood mage to death. And this initiate has scorned the Chantry and her vows. Take her to Aeonar." The templars behind him began moving toward her. Lily's face was full of fear, and Cullen knew why. Aeonar was not a place anyone wanted to go.

"The... the mages's prison," she choked. "No... _please_, no. Not there!" She began backing away from the templars, and Cullen watched in horror as Jowan stepped in front of them.

"No! I won't let you touch her!" he yelled. He then took out a knife and drove it straight into his left palm. Blood splattered everywhere and the air filled with a foul magic that Cullen had never felt before, but knew everything about. Blood magic.

Jowan lifted out the knife and placed his hands in front of him. The blood swirled around his being and then exploded about the room, sending the templars and Irving flying back. The spell was even powerful enough to push Cullen back a little, but he was still able to stay on his feet.

Cullen had covered his eyes, and when he opened them, he saw in the room before him a mess of blood and templars laying on the ground. They were all still alive, but weakened and barely conscious. He then heard a gasp from the reformatory doors and saw Lily backing away from Jowan.

"By the Maker... blood magic!" she cried, holding her hands to her face. "H-How could you? You said you never..."

Jowan looked scared now as he saw her. He tried to go near her, but she kept the distance between them. "I admit, I... dabbled. I thought it would make me a better mage."

Lily shook her head. "Blood magic is evil, Jowan. It corrupts people... changes them..."

"I'm going to give it up," he pleaded. "All magic. I just want to be with you, Lily. Please, come with me..."

"I trusted you. I was ready to sacrifice everything for you... I... I don't know who you are, blood mage. Stay away from me!" She screamed and pulled out a dagger that was strapped to her back and pointed it at him. Jowan stood where he was, the look on his face sad and shocked. Cullen watched as he then backed off and ran straight toward the main atrium. At that point, Cullen was unsure what to do. He was the only templar able to go after him, stop him even, but he didn't. He was horrified at what he had just witnessed, and he knew that he probably should have gone after the blood mage, but he couldn't do that to Esumi. She was already going to suffer enough to know that her best friend had lied to her.

"This is unthinkable... No, this is unacceptable!" he heard Greagoir say as he stood back up from the floor. He rounded on Lily and glared at her. "How could you?"

"I am sorry, Knight-Commander," she said with her head hanging low. "My actions were my own. I will take any punishment that you see fit. Even... even Aeonar."

"Then take her away," said Greagoir. "Get her out of my sight." The templars took her, this time with no fuse. She went willingly with them, and Cullen saw tears in her eyes as they did so. He felt bad for her in a way. Jowan had lied to all of them, and it would be her who would have to suffer the most.

"Cullen!" Greagoir yelled, making Cullen stiffen.

"Yes, Knight-Commander," he said going at attention.

"What are you doing away from your post?"

"I... I was coming down here to warn you," he said trying to come up with something quick. "I obtained information from an anonymous source about this very incident."

"What? You have a source? I want a name. Now!" Greagoir demanded.

"But... But ser..." Cullen tried to say.

"This situation is dyer and I need to know this source to find out exactly where that blood mage went."

Cullen stood there unable to think of what to do. He already promised Esumi she wouldn't be mentioned, and he also didn't want to get her involved in this. She was innocent. But Greagoir bored into him, coming closer to his face. Cullen swallowed hard. He really didn't have a choice.

"Leave the boy alone," said Irving as he walked in between the two templars. "I'm sure his source knows nothing more than what was going to happen."

Greagoir turned on the first enchanter. "That doesn't matter. He should still be questioned."

"And risk losing the boy's trust? Greagoir, you know very well how hard it is to get reliable sources who will give valuable information. I have mine, you have yours, and other templars have theirs."

Greagoir seemed to relax at the first enchanters words, if the knight-commander could ever relax at all. But he did relent, and walked away from Cullen. He then went and addressed the other templars. "Alright men, we have a blood mage on the loose and with no phylactery. We must act quickly in order to capture him before he gets too far. Cullen," he said directing his gaze back to him. Cullen stood at attention once again. "Get back to your post."

"Yes, ser."

Greagoir, with the other templars then made their way past the apprentice quarters and out of sight. Cullen still stood where he was. There was something that he wanted to check first.

"Just make sure you tell her gently," said Irving as he walked by him. Cullen looked over at him. He really wasn't surprised that the first enchanter knew who his source was. Who else would have known about Jowan's plans? "They were best friends after all."

"I will," Cullen nodded.

The first enchanter left through the library and soon the whole area was clear besides himself. Cullen stood where he was, thinking about what had just happened. He couldn't believe what he had just seen. Jowan really was a blood mage. Which meant that he had lied to Esumi. It made him steam a little to think of it.

_How could he lie to her like that?_ He knew it was something he had to tell her, and he didn't want to think of what her reaction might be. Yet, before he went to tell her the bad news, there was something else that he could at least do to make her feel better, hopefully.

Slowly Cullen went over to the reformatory entrance and peered down the steps. "You can come out now," he said. "I'm not going to report you, Keiven."

The blonde mage's head popped out from behind the wall to look up at him confused. "You're not? Why?"

"That's kind of a stupid question, don't you think?"

"You're a templar," Keiven said with narrowed eyes. "You could be lying."

"It's a little late for you to go back and hide now, isn't it?" Cullen stood at the top of the steps and looked down on him. "Come on. Esumi will want to know you're safe."

The young mage still eyed him with suspicion. "Still more surprises. How do you know what Esumi would want?"

Cullen was beginning to get annoyed with him. "Look, I don't need to explain anything to you, mage. Now, either get out of there and go to your room for awhile, or I'll just go right on ahead and take you to the knight-commander. Which one would you rather do?"

"Alright, alright. I'm going to my room." Keiven walked past Cullen slowly, still eying him to make sure he didn't grab his robes to drag him off. Cullen continued to stare as he watched the young mage go down the hall and into his room. When he was gone, Cullen sighed. At least he was able to do that much for Esumi. Now was the hard part.

He began making his way back up the tower, not in much of a hurry to get back. When he finally got back to his post, he noticed that Esumi was still standing there, waiting for him. She looked up once he entered the alcove and she ran to him, nearly leaping into his chest. Cullen had to back up when she did this.

"What happened?" she asked in a hurry.

Cullen bit his lip, trying to determine the best way of telling her. "I didn't tell Greagoir."

"You didn't? Then why were you gone for so long?"

He took in a deep breath. "I got down to the reformatory to find that they both had already entered, and Greagoir and Irving were already waiting outside for them." Esumi only stared at him, waiting for him to continue. "Greagoir knew something was amiss."

"The keys," she whispered.

"What about them?" said Cullen as he didn't know anything about keys.

"Keiven stole keys from Greagoir's office."

"Oh, well I guess when Greagoir found his keys were missing was when he went to check the reformatory door and saw it had been opened. He then probably gathered Irving and some other templars and decided to wait for the culprits to come out."

"They were caught, weren't they?" she asked. Her voice was so sad and thick.

"Y-Yes. I watched as they came out and were overwhelmed by the templars. Greagoir was going to have Jowan be put to death, and as for that girl he was with... I didn't know she was an initiate. He sent her to Aeonar for helping a blood mage."

"But Jowan isn't a blood mage," said Esumi. "I know he isn't."

Cullen looked at her with conviction. How was he going to tell her? "Except that he is," he said slowly. "I saw it myself. When they were going to take that girl away, he stabbed his hand and used blood magic on the templars. He then ran off and out of the tower. He's gone, Esumi. I'm sorry."

For a moment Esumi just stood there like a statue. There was a blank expression on her face. Slowly he could see her begin to quiver. Her lip at first, then it went down her body making it's way from her arms and hands, down her torso and soon to her legs. Her fists clenched together, turning white. When he looked back at her face, he saw her mouth hanging slightly open as she stared off into the distance.

"He lied to me?" she was barely able to get out.

"I'm afraid so."

No longer could she hold it back. The tears began running down her face as she breathed in with sharp gasps. "Why?" she cried. "Why?" Cullen could feel his own self shaking, and yet again, he lost control.

In one quick motion, he snatched Esumi up in his arms, and squeezed her tight against him. _Damn this armor_, he thought as the heavy plate made it hard for him to hold her properly. She curled up on his chest and began crying with much force. She shook and trembled in his arms. Her tears running down his armor.

Cullen had two things going through his head at that moment. One was yelling at him to let her go. To get away and never turn back. She was trouble, if they were caught like this, then there would be nothing he could do to explain. But the other side of his mind told him that she needed this. That she needed something stable right now to hold her up and to make sure she got through this horrible ordeal. She had just lost a friend, but not only that, that friend had lied to her about something important. Now she needed him more than ever.

It was then, when he was holding her close and feeling her tremors, that he realized how secluded the alcove was. It was both a blessing and a curse. Anything could happen with such privacy, as no one could see them unless they came right up to the alcove. Cullen had to grit his teeth as he pushed such thoughts away. There was no way anything like that could happen. He would be excommunicated for sure, and she would be put to death.

"I'm being so stupid," he heard her say. He looked down at her, seeing nothing but a mess of onyx hair. The bun she had it in was now falling out and the two sticks were lopsided.

"No you're not," he assured her. "This is a painful situation."

"I've been crying all day," she groaned. "I'm not like this. I'm not the crying type. This should be a happy day for me. I passed the Harrowing. I became a full mage with elite privileges. I made a new friend, you. Yet..." Another fit of crying kept her from finishing and she buried her head in his armor. He squeezed her closer, wishing he could take the armor off so he could feel her better. But that wouldn't be a wise thing to do. Feeling her more would only lead to worse things, and Cullen was already fighting with himself to keep the contact between them just him holding her and nothing more.

"E-Everyone has... bad days," he said, beginning to stutter again. "E-Even when they think they s-shouldn't be."

Esumi calmed down her crying and laid in his arms for awhile before shifting her head to stare at him. When he say her eyes, he nearly fell over, having to place his back against the wall in order to keep on his feet. Those eyes were now so bright and big, they seemed to glow. He could feel his heart racing, and his breathing speed. He hoped she couldn't hear it.

_Maker, please give me the strength to let her go. I promise I will never do it again._

But he didn't need to have the strength, as it was Esumi who broke their connection. She pushed off his chest and stood up straight, giving him a warm smile that would have sent him soaring if he wasn't already.

"Thank you, Cullen," she said in that sweet voice of hers. There were no tears left in it. "I needed that, and I know it must have been hard for you."

Cullen swallowed hard, hoping desperately that his heart would slow down. "It was... nothing," he said. "And you're welcome, or Dou itashimashite."

"You remembered."

"Of course." Cullen slightly chuckled.

Esumi chuckled as well and it was a beautiful sound to hear. It calmed him down. She seemed better now, and that was a good thing to see.

"There is some good news from this, though," he said knowing that if he wanted to continue to make her feel better, this would be a good time to tell her about Keiven.

"Oh?"

"Keiven was with Jowan in the reformatory, but he didn't get caught. I found him hiding right by the doors. I let him go."

"You did? Why?" Esumi seemed just as shocked as Keiven had been.

"Because I knew it would hurt you if I did." Cullen snapped his mouth shut. He didn't mean to say it _that _way at least, but it all changed when she smiled at him again. Everything seemed to change when she smiled at him.

"I'm glad to hear it," she said. "I guess I better go down there and check on him."

"He's fine, but it wouldn't hurt."

"No, and thank you once more." Esumi bowed to him before leaving the alcove. He didn't watch as she disappeared. Instead, Cullen placed his forehead against the wall and closed his eyes. He couldn't believe what he had just done. Everything that had happened was completely wrong and forbidden. How he was going to get past this, he didn't know.


	10. One Reason

**One Reason**

When Cullen awoke the next morning, he felt terrible. He didn't get much sleep due to the nightmare that plagued him all night. It seemed never ending, and the images of the dream still fresh in his mind as he prepared himself for the day.

As always, he had dreamed of Esumi. Something horrible had happened at the tower, and she had turned into an abomination. Cullen watched in horror as he stood motionless, unable to move as she ripped through line after line of templars trying to kill her. He was unable to kill her himself, and it wasn't until she turned her red glowing eyes on him that he knew he would never be able to kill her. She had leaped on him, and that was when he awoke.

Slowly he made his way through the main atrium, past the large doors and past the apprentice quarters. His eyes had bags under them, and his arms hung by his side. He wasn't sure what the dream meant. Perhaps it meant that he wouldn't be able to perform his duty if ever Esumi did become an abomination. If this was true, then he had to end their friendship, no matter how much he wanted to keep it.

It was early in the morning, a little too early for him to be going up to the fourth floor, but he didn't know what else to do. He was tired, yes, but he didn't want to go back to sleep. He was afraid that dream would come back to him.

When he reached the library, it was fairly empty except for a few early morning risers who looked to be studying. The only noise came from the farthest corner of the library, a place where most mages practiced their spells. He could feel magic being used, and immediately he stopped. The signature of the magic was one he knew all too well. Esumi was there, practicing with Keiven.

Cullen made his way around the bookcases to find Esumi, her back to him, and Keiven on the other side. He noticed she had her hair in the same bun as yesterday. She was posed, staff in hand and pointing it toward Keiven. The young mage looked on at her, a shimmering clear blue magical shield surrounding him. Esumi muttered a few magical words. A bolt then flew from the tip of her staff, and it went flying at Keiven. When it hit his shield, Keiven went flying back and landed on a pre-placed mattress set against the shelves.

"Hey, that hurt," he said getting up.

"What? Do you think I'm going to give you the same strength of spell every time?" said Esumi. "How are you ever going to learn if you don't expect the unexpected?"

"You could have warned me."

Esumi chuckled, lowering her head. "Are you ever going to learn?"

"Not while you're just standing there." Keiven put his hands in front of him and the same shield emitted from his fingers and circled around him again. "Come on, hit me again."

Esumi stood there for a moment, thinking about what she would throw at him. When she was ready, she raised her staff and began sending several different spells at Keiven. At first the young mage's shield was holding up. All the spells were hitting the shield in the same spot, but then Cullen saw one of the spells speed off and hit him from behind. It went right through the shield, causing Keiven to go flying forward.

"Oh," he mumbled. "That wasn't fair."

"Oh, Keiven," Esumi said shaking her head. "This is exactly why you haven't passed your test yet. Shield spells are very important. You must learn, not only to concentrate to keep them strong and to absorb any strength of magic, but you must also be able to maintain them while dealing with something else."

"Like what?"

"Like attacking or healing. You can't just concentrate on the shield the whole time, nor should you concentrate so much on one area. That was how I got you this time."

Keiven moaned. "Why am I having such a hard time with them? My shields are great when I focus on them."

"But that's not how it always is when in battle. Hmm, I think I have an idea that might help. While we're doing this, how about we also work on your Nihonnen-go?"

"I don't know," Keiven said, looking worried.

"You need to learn how to concentrate on two things at once, so put your shield up, and answer my questions. Got it?"

"I'll try." Again, Keiven placed up his shield and readied himself for anything that Esumi might toss at him. Esumi as well raised her staff and began firing spells at him before she began speaking.

"Keiven-chan, ikkai ni nani ga arimasu ka?"

Keiven flustered for a moment and Cullen sensed his shield fluster with him, but he was able to recover as he gave her the answer. "Uh, toshokan ga arimasu." One of her spells nearly made it through, but he was able to deflect it back. This made him smile broadly at his own success.

Esumi smiled as well, pleased with his work so far. She then increased the strength of the spells and began firing even more. "Hai. Toshokan no naka ni dare ga imasu ka?"

"Uh..." Keiven had to concentrate hard to keep a fire bolt from hitting him in the face before he answered Esumi in a fast tone. "Esumi-senpai ga imasu."

Esumi nodded her head. "Hai." She then increased the spells once again, and Cullen could feel her magic filling the room, but then he felt something else. It was a third magic signature. He looked to see a bolt that was not Esumi's fly clear across the room and hit Keiven's shield. The young mage apparently did not expect it and the bolt went right through his shield, hitting him in the stomach and sending him flying back once more into the matress.

Keiven groaned as he doubled over, holding his stomach. "Who did that?"

Esumi looked behind her and smiled. "Ah, Konnichiwa, Anders-san. Genki desu ka?" Cullen followed her gaze to see another mage leaning against the bookshelves. Cullen narrowed his eyes, knowing the dirty blonde mage immediately.

"Genki desu, now that I'm out of those cells," said Anders as he walked over to Esumi.

"Were you the one who hit me?" Keiven shouted from across the room. He was standing again, and the furry on his face was evident.

"Of course I was, pipsqueak. You need to expect the unexpected. Isn't that right, Esumi?"

"That's right," she smiled. "Thanks for helping me point that out to him."

"Anytime, dear lady," he said bowing to her. Keiven mumbled something that no one could really hear.

"So," said Esumi. "The templars finally let you out of the dungeons, did they?"

"Nope," Anders said shaking his head. "I escaped, of course. You'd think they'd learn by now that I've been in every one of those cells down there and have escaped from all of them. And yet they still don't put enough guards. Tsk, tsk."

Esumi crossed her arms. "You would think."

"Hey, Esumi," Keiven shouted. "What are we doing?"

"Go ahead and take a break, Keiven. We'll continue in a few minutes." She then turned her attention back on Anders. "So what are you up to now? Planning your next escape attempt?"

Anders chuckled at her. "I'm always planning those. I can't stand this place. Course, if I had a reason for staying, then I just might." He leaned in close to Esumi and winked at her. Cullen nearly charged him when he saw this, but stayed put where he was.

"Then I guess you'll have to keep looking then, won't you?" said Esumi backing away from him. Cullen was relieved. That was his girl.

Anders sighed. "I suppose. I guess you're still not over that Jowan guy, huh?"

"We didn't have that type of relationship."

"Oh, really? Well I don't see why you didn't. You are very striking Esumi. It's not like people don't notice. Speaking of Jowan. You don't happen to know where he went, do you? Cause next time I escape I would love to talk to him to ask how he found his phylactery and destroyed it. If I could do that, then I'd be free of this place for good."

Esumi's face fell. "No, I don't," she said bluntly.

"Ah, well. I guess I'll just have to figure it out on my own. So," he said acting nonchalantly. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Watch it Anders," said Keiven as he came beside Esumi, eyes narrowed and posture tense. "She already told you no."

"Oh relax, pipsqueak," he said ruffling Keiven's hair. "I'm only playing around. Maybe I was only asking to see if I could get some of those great lessons she gives. I could use some help with some of my spells as well, you know."

"Really? Like what?" Keiven said knocking Anders's hand off his head and straightening his hair.

"Oh, I could think of something. After all, that alcove of yours is _very_ secluded."

"Just give it up, Anders," said Esumi. "Besides, I'm not completely alone in there."

"Alright, suit yourself. But if you ever get lonely, you know where to find me."

"Yeah, in the dungeon cells."

"Oh, Esumi. You are such a tease." Anders then walked away, a broad smile on his face. Cullen watched him leave, making sure that he did. He couldn't believe how arrogant that mage was to be flirting with Esumi right in front of him. Then again, Cullen was basically melted in the background. He wasn't even sure if Esumi knew he was there. Mages tended to ignore the presence of templars. But even if she did know he was there, she wouldn't acknowledge him anyway. They might be friends, but only in secret. Out in the open, with other mages and templars in the area, they were only acquaintances, maybe less.

He watched as Esumi and Keiven began their lessons again. It was then that he decided it was probably time for him to go up to his post. As he stepped away from the bookcase he was standing by, he caught Esumi's eye as it peered at him. She smiled and winked before focusing back on Keiven. The younger mage didn't seem to notice. Cullen smiled. Apparently she knew he was there the whole time.

As he began making his way up to the fourth floor, Cullen ran into Joseph, who was running down the stairs. He looked like he was in a hurry. "Hey, hold up," said Cullen as he caught Joseph by the arm. "Slow down. You nearly knocked me off the stairs."

"Oh, sorry," Joseph said breathing heavy. "It's just I'm in a hurry to get to the knight-commander's office."

"What for?"

"They're picking templars to go after that blood mage that got away yesterday. Irminric is the one in charge of the chase, and I thought since he owes me a favor, he could get me to go with him. It would be so exciting to get out of this stuffy tower and chase after a malificar. Don't you think?"

Cullen didn't necessarily share Joseph's enthusiasm. "I suppose," he said with disdain. "But I'm content right here, for now."

"Are you sure?" Joseph asked. "If you come with me, maybe I could get Irminric to let you come as well. You look like you need to get out of here just as much."

"No thanks," said Cullen. "Maybe next time."

"Alright, then I guess I'll see you later."

"Yeah, good luck with that blood mage. With no phylactery, you'll need it."

When Cullen got to his post, he slumped against the wall and rubbed his face. Maybe he should go after Jowan. If he was the one that captured him, then maybe he could make sure he wasn't hurt too badly. That would make Esumi feel better about it at least. Course, there was nothing Cullen could do about Jowan's fate. He would more than likely be put to death for what he did. All blood mages were when caught.

Cullen sighed, hoping for Esumi's sake that Jowan was able to keep from getting caught. If he could just stay one step ahead of the templars, then maybe he would have a chance.

It seemed he stood there all day thinking about it. It wasn't until very late that he realized Esumi had not come up once. Was she still down in the library with Keiven? They wouldn't be practicing all day, would they? He didn't think so, but then again he couldn't feel her magic from this far distance, so he wasn't sure. Cullen also seemed to notice that activity in the tower seemed to be low. Many of the mages were gone, but still there always seemed to be someone coming down the hall and up the stairs. It wasn't until late, as he yawned that he finally saw Esumi making her way to her room. Once she entered the alcove, she of course stopped and greeted him.

"Kombanwa, Cullen-san. How have you been this fine evening?"

"Good," he said. "Just a little exhausted. I didn't sleep well last night."

"Oh? Well I'm sorry to hear that," she said. "I was wondering why you were up so early this morning."

"I was wondering the same thing about you. I also don't remember you coming back to your room last night."

"Ah, yes," she said smiling. "When I went down to check on Keiven, he of course told me everything that happened. We talked a lot and by the time we were done, it was so late that I just stayed there and slept in his room. I awoke fairly early and decided that then would be a good time to help Keiven practice his shield spells. Not only to do that, but to also distract him a little. He did look up to Jowan quite a bit, and was very hurt by what he did, but... he still looks up to him. I don't think Keiven could ever find any fault in Jowan. Which is fine. Let him have his hero. When he gets a little older, then he'll understand better."

"And how do you feel?" Cullen asked concerned.

"Me? Oh, well I feel better than I did yesterday. It still hurts to know Jowan lied to me, but I still can't find myself hating him for it. In a way, lying to me about it was probably best. He always did try and do what he thought was best for me. If I had known he was practicing even a little bit of blood magic, I would've been completely freaked, and he never likes to do such things to me. Not on purpose at least."

"He still should've told you the truth."

"And what would I have done with the information if he did? Besides freaking out?" she asked crossing her arms. "I obviously wasn't going to go and tell the first enchanter or the knight-commander. I would never do that to him."

"I..." Cullen was stumped. "I don't know."

"You see, me knowing would have been bad. I would then have been interrogated about it later on. Having me not know... Jowan was protecting me."

As he thought about it, Cullen could argue with her on that. Keeping her in the dark about what he was doing kept her from trouble. Kept her innocent.

Esumi sighed. "But I actually stopped to talk to you about something else," she said.

Cullen looked at her questioning. "What?"

Esumi turned her back to him and looked up at the ceiling. He could tell something was bothering her. "I..." she started but stopped, trying to figure out the correct way of telling him. "Irving has put out a request. He is asking for mages to volunteer to go to Ostagar. They already have mages there, yes, but they apparently need more. So..." She then turned to look at him. "I've decided to go."

Cullen's eyes went wide. "What? Why?"

"Because I feel like I need to," she said, now looking at the floor. She seemed to be avoiding his eyes. "I feel like it's my duty as a mage. We are very potent against darkspawn, and... I feel like there is nothing left for me here."

What was she talking about? Of course there was something left for her here! Cullen wanted to shout to her that he was here. That he didn't want her to go. "What are you talking about, there's nothing left for you here?" he said. "What about..." _-Me?-_ "What about Keiven? He looks up to you. You're like... like a sister to him."

Esumi sighed. "He says that I remind him of his real sister, yes, but Keiven's a big boy. I know it would hurt him to have already lost one friend, to find out another one is leaving, but... He just isn't enough to keep me here. I know that's horrible to say, but... but that's just how I feel. Besides, as an elite mage it's my duty. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but there aren't many mages going in and out of this alcove." Cullen hadn't really noticed, but as he thought about it, it was true. "There's only one other mage in my room, besides myself. I talked to her downstairs before I came up here. She's going to Ostagar. All the other elite mages are going or are already there. So... that means I should too."

What could Cullen do? He was beginning to panic. He didn't want her to go, there was no way he would let her, but he couldn't necessarily force her to stay. He needed to give her a reason. He needed to convince her that she didn't need to go to Ostagar. That there was something in this tower for her that was strong enough to keep her here.

He had to think of something, and he had to think fast.

"Esumi," he said. "I... I..." He wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't sure how to convince her. "I want you to do something."

"Yes?" she said, now looking in his eyes.

Those eyes then made him lose control again. "I want you to meet me somewhere," he blurted out.

Esumi looked at him puzzled with a raised eyebrow. "Okay, where?"

_Meet her? Meet her where?_ Cullen wasn't sure what he was doing, but he did think fast. He could have met with her right here, back in the alcove, but that wouldn't give them much privacy as the other templar who took the night shift would be there. Maybe he could sneak into her room? No, that wouldn't work either. She said there was another mage there. He knew he wanted a place with complete privacy. Right now they had it, but it wasn't enough. Besides, he needed more time to try and think of a way to convince her to stay.

"Can you meet me in the Harrowing Chamber at midnight?" he finally asked her.

"The Harrowing Chamber? Why do you want to meet with me in there? And at such a late time?"

"Just please say you'll do it," he pleaded.

Esumi seemed to be considering his request. He wondered if he was being too forward. Would she see through it? Would she see what he felt? In a way, Cullen hoped she would, as well as hoped she didn't.

"I will, only if you promise me one thing," she finally said.

"Okay."

"Promise me that when I leave tomorrow for Ostagar, that you'll look after Keiven for me."

Cullen cringed. If he had his way she wouldn't be going, and he wouldn't have to make this promise, but he obviously needed to. "Okay. I promise I'll look after him."

He saw Esumi's relief as she sighed it out. "Thank you. That makes me feel better about my decision."

"So, will you still meet with me?"

She had looked away from him, but then looked back. "I said I would, so I will, but isn't the Chamber off limits? How are we going to get in?"

"Don't worry about that," he said. "I know a way."

"Why can't you just tell me what you want to say now?"

Cullen felt his stomach turn to ice. He couldn't tell her now. He wasn't ready. "I... just be there at midnight."

"Alright. Good-night to you, then." She nodded her head and entered her room.

Cullen felt his heart racing. He had no idea what he had just done, but he knew he needed to go through with it. Thinking of Esumi in danger, fighting darkspawn at Ostagar, just made him shiver.

As soon as his relief came to take up his post, Cullen went straight down to the templar quarters. He needed to find his way into the Harrowing Chamber without setting off alarms, and he needed to make sure that it wasn't being used tonight.

_Perhaps I should've thought through this more._

* * *

_A/N: So, when I wrote this part I was actually studying for my Japanese test (which is why there was such a large wait in between parts 8 and 9). That's why it's there. I thought as I studied, Keiven should too. Anyway, I also just want to warn you guys that the next part is going to force a rating change. *Smiles broadly* I couldn't help it. It will be posted tomorrow._


	11. Watashi no Hikari

**Watashi no Hikari**

It was ten till midnight, and way too quiet for Cullen's liking. He paced about the Harrowing Chamber, thinking over everything that had occurred in just the last several days. It seemed almost overnight his world had changed. Right after that new dream he had about her. Right after her Harrowing is when it all started.

Cullen stopped and looked up into the domed ceiling. He could see the stars and the full moon. Their light shined down through the window and illuminated the floor. It was a beautiful night. There were no clouds in the sky. Only stars, moon, and darkness.

_What am I doing here? _he thought. He had no idea why he had asked her to come here. It was just a spur of the moment thing. As soon as he heard that she might be leaving for Ostagar to help fight the darkspawn, he knew he didn't want her to go. Fighting against darkspawn did not seem like her. She was too sweet and kind and beautiful to be fighting such fowl and tainted creatures. Every time Cullen thought about it, it made him cringe. Ostagar was not a good place for anyone to be right now. Especially not Esumi.

His Esumi.

He placed his face in his hands. She wasn't his, and she never would be. The same battle was still ragging through his head. One part of him told him that he needed to go back down to his room before he got caught and leave things be. Let her go to Ostagar. Let her leave so he could forget about her, and if she died... but he wouldn't let that part of his brain finish. Even if he did still have the desire to push her out of his mind, having her die would not be the best way of doing it. No, if ever something was going to happen between the two of them, it would be tonight. He just wasn't sure how he was going to do it.

His duty told him that everything he was feeling was wrong. That it was treason how he felt, and if he went through with it, then it would mean something horrible. He was being pushed to the edge of his reason, and he was desperately trying to figure out what to do. He stopped to look at the stars again. If he didn't figure it out quick, then he didn't know what was going to happen.

Cullen wasn't sure what time it was, but it felt like he had been in there for hours. He would listen to every little noise that he heard, wondering if the next faint footsteps were hers, or if they were someone else. Someone coming to see why the Harrowing Chamber was unlocked, or why one of the keys were missing. He didn't know why he was worrying about such a thing, well maybe. But as for the keys, he had taken them with permission. He was to help clean the chamber at some point later after a Harrowing. He had volunteered just so he could have them. Just for this night.

He began his pacing again, anything but tired as the anxiety ran through him. He felt like he was going out of his mind. If she didn't get there soon, then he may lose his mind. Several thoughts occurred to him. What if she wasn't coming? What if she got caught coming up here? What if...?

He had to stop thinking of such things. They were not helping.

Soft footsteps made their way up the stairs and Cullen froze in the middle of the chamber as he stared at the hole in the floor. Slowly her head began to make it's way up from it and soon she was entirely there, standing in front of him. He immediately felt relief once seeing her and seeing how beautiful she was.

Esumi's hair was all the way down and hung past her shoulders. The tips of her ears could be slightly seen through the black curtain as it shimmered in the moonlight. She wore a light blue robe, his favorite color on her, that wrapped itself all the way around her with a thick, fabric belt that went around her waist, tying in the back. She stared at him with a neutral expression, holding her arms behind her back and waiting.

Cullen couldn't believe that she had actually come, and as he stood there staring at her, he felt everything that was bothering him before dissolve away. How could there be anything wrong with the wonderful woman standing there? Sure she was a mage, and an elf, but did that really matter? She was also smart, sweet and kind, beautiful and powerful. It seemed that everyone who knew her loved her. Even some of the templars seemed to treat her with more respect than they did the other mages. There was just an air around her that made everyone feel good. Cullen had just been swept up in it further than anyone else had.

He went to speak, but stopped short. His mouth was dry, and his heart beat faster than it ever had before _This is what I wanted, right? So why am I afraid?_

"You don't need to speak," she said. She walked up to him, gazing into his face. Cullen felt the heat reach his checks. She smelled so lovely. Andraste's Grace was the fragrance. "I know why it is you wanted to see me."

"You do?" he whispered.

Esumi nodded her head. "Because I feel the same way," she continued. "I know this is hard... for the both of us. You have a duty you must perform which is to watch me, but that duty is to do just that. Watch. You are only a spectator, and are never suppose to be an active player. So to keep you safe, I wish for you to just listen to what I have to say first. Then you can decide for yourself what it is _you_ want to do." She seemed to be trying to keep her eyes from his.

"Go on then," he said swallowing hard.

Esumi took a deep breath before she began. "All the time I've been here, I thought I had a light in my life. One that belonged in the heart of a dear friend of mine. That light used to shine brightly and helped me through many troubled times. It helped me when I first arrived here. I had lost my parents to some plague that had spread across the land, leaving me alone on the streets with no knowledge of the language spoken around me, or of where I came from. I don't remember much of that life as I was so young, nor do I remember how it was I came to the Circle, but when I first met my light, he guided me through all the tough times and helped me to understand.

"But now that light is gone, and I thought I would be lost in the darkness forever. Yet, I found that not to be true. I didn't realize it at first, but there was actually a second light right behind the first. It's radiance was dim, as it was distant, and being over taken by the first, but it was still there, biding it's time and waiting for the right moment to shine." Esumi smiled up at him, but still kept her eyes from his.

"That light was you, and when my first light drifted away, and I thought I would be left in the darkness, that was when you came. That was when you shined brightly, trying to tell me that I wasn't alone anymore. That I still had a light to guide me." She stopped, and turned away from him. Cullen only waited in silence.

"I thought I was only noticing you now, but... that was not true. I noticed you the first time I saw you. When I passed you in the hall, just outside of my old room. Our eyes caught and it seemed we stared into each others for an age before I was swept away. It was then when it started, for me at least. I became aware of your stares, of your watchful eyes. I knew you looked at me, and that you looked at me differently than the other templars did. I wasn't sure what to make of it at first, until that one, fateful day." She turned back to him, and smiled broadly. "It was you, wasn't it?"

"It was me what?" he asked. He had listened intently to her words, taking in everything she had said.

"The book." She then took her hands from behind her back and brought them to the front. In them was the leather bond book that he saw her carry everywhere she went. "This was from you, wasn't it?" she asked him, staring at the book and feeling it's leather face.

Cullen softened. "I was hoping you would think it was from one of your friends."

"Then apparently you know more about me than you do them," she smiled. "At first I did think it might've been one of them, but then realized it couldn't have been. Jowan would've wanted to give it to me himself, because he knew how important it was to me. And even though Keiven would've done something like what you did, he would eventually have told me it was him as he is horrible at keeping secrets." She chuckled at this. "So there was only one other person. One other that knew enough about me to know I was searching, but couldn't give it to me himself. And that's when I realized, that's when I knew how you felt about me." This time, she did look up and stared into his eyes. He couldn't see them well enough, as they seemed to be covered in shadow due to the position of the moon in the sky. It's light was all on him.

Cullen smiled at her, knowing it was no use hiding what he felt for her anymore. "Yes," he said.

"How did you get it?" she asked, squeezing the book to her chest. "I looked everywhere and never even dreamed that such a book existed."

He took a step closer to her. "I have... sources," he said. "It was difficult, yes, but... I knew it would make you happy."

She took a step toward him as well, making them only inches away from each other. "Thank you," she said. "I mean it." He listened to her, but lost himself when she stepped into the moonlight. Her eyes seemed to be intensified by it. They shined brilliantly and he could see all the shades of green within them.

At that moment, everything about the battle that had been ragging inside his head vanished. How could it be wrong to love this woman? How could it be wrong to care? Everything then seemed to piece together perfectly in a way Cullen had never thought before. He could still love her and perform his duty. Unlike with priests, whose vows devoted themselves in mind, body, and soul to the Maker, his vows only had him serving and protecting. He could still do just that while also loving her. There was no way the Maker would condemn him for it. After all, the Maker knew how he felt. He, Himself had fallen in love with a woman. Was it so bad to follow in the Maker's footsteps?

He watched as Esumi slowly breathed in and out, totally hypnotized by everything about her.

"I don't know what you plan on doing with the knowledge I have given you," she said. "But whatever you decide, whatever you wish to do... Know that I do not want to force you to do something you don't want to do. I don't want you to do something you may regret."

"Esumi," he said, looking her square in the eyes. "There is _nothing_ about you that I would regret."

He didn't lose control, not this time. No, this time it was all him as he took her in his arms and kissed her, pressing his lips to hers. At first she did not respond, but in an instant, she opened her lips to him, letting him in and they kissed passionately in the moonlight. There was also no armor in between them, so now he could truly feel her. Her smooth body pressed against his chest. His arms completely wrapped around her waist. She dropped the book, sending an echo through the room, but they didn't pay attention.

When they unlocked, both breathed in heavily as they needed air. He took her head in his hands and gazed into her eyes. He wanted to hold her, wanted to feel her, wanted her so close to him that they could become one. Reluctantly, he removed his hands from her face and began undoing the buttons of his shirt, letting it fall off his arms and onto the floor. His chest gleamed in the light of the stars and moon. Esumi marveled at his muscles. She gently stroked her fingers across his chest. Her touch sending electric charges through his skin and spread all over his body. He took one of her hands, and began kissing it, making his way to her wrist where he stopped, feeling the silky fabric of her robe on his lips.

Esumi took her hand and reached behind her back to untie the belt. It fell to the floor and her robe began to unwrap itself from around her. It hung on her shoulders, only allowing a small window to the inside. Cullen slowly moved his hands past the fabric and felt her flesh on his. He closed his eyes and brought her close, feeling her bare chest on his. He soon craved her, wanted her, _needed_ her. Everything around him was a complete blur. Nothing mattered anymore to him but her.

He felt her hand touch his chin and her lips find his. He felt her robe slide off her shoulders and glide to the floor. He squeezed her tighter as her hands gripped his face and they kissed deeper than before. Grabbing her hips, he picked her up and gently laid her on her back. He hovered over her, their lips never parting as he jerked off his trousers and removed his and her smallclothes. He could feel his hardness pulsating as he longed to be near her, close and safe. He positioned himself in between her legs, feeling the heat coming from her sex as it tickled the tip of his erection, intoxicating him.

Esumi took her hands from his face as well as her mouth and looked up at him with a face of uncertainty. "Are you sure?" she asked softly.

Cullen took a deep breath as he placed his forehead on hers. "I haven't been more sure about anything in my life." That was all she needed as she smiled and brought him back down to her lips.

Slowly he entered her, inch by inch, feeling her warmth and softness. He had to take his mouth from hers in order to concentrate, as the feeling was exotic and intense. He slowly began moving in and out, gritting his teeth and moaning slightly as the feeling washed over him.

Esumi began moaning along with him. Her hands gripped his back and she closed her eyes and pressed her head to the floor. Cullen began to go faster, picking up speed as he gained more control of himself. He had to tell himself to breathe, as sometimes he would hold his breath at the intensity. Her fingernails dug into his flesh as he went. She writhed beneath him in her own ecstasy as she arched her back, bucked up her hips, and matched his tempo.

Cullen then realized something as he looked down on her, as he felt his knees pressing into the cold marble floor. They still hadn't put a mattress down... typical. And he was allowing Esumi to lay on the hardness.

Wrapping his arm around her back, Cullen scooped her up and rolled onto his back with her on top of him. The coldness of the marble hit his back, nearly bringing him out of the moment, but he was swept right back in when he felt Esumi on his hips. She had been startled at first from the sudden position change, but soon regained herself and settled back on his erection. He felt her slide down, going deeper than before until she fully engulfed him. She then began her own rhythm, going back and forth, tempo picking up speed as she found a firm stance with her hands on either side of his chest.

Their moans and cries began anew. Cullen grabbed her hips and helped her along, pressing her further down on him. He bent his knees, gripping her tightly as she picked up speed, going faster and faster. He could feel his control slipping. Feel as the pressure inside him grew before he couldn't hold it any longer.

She pressed down on him, hard, and he felt her clamp all around him, squeezing him tighter. It was enough to send him over the edge and he spilled inside her. The pressure releasing and spreading pure ecstasy all over his body.

Esumi went limp and fell on his chest. They both breathed hard and were covered in sweat despite the coldness of the floor. Cullen wrapped his arms around her, while she curled up on his chest, digging her face into his neck. He kissed her forehead, and gently rocked her back and forth. Their connection still intact.

"Aishiteru," she whispered in his ear. He didn't have to ask her to know what it meant.

"I love you, too."

* * *

_A/N: What helped inspire me to write this part was a song called 'Sink or Swim' by Tyrone Wells. It's a really good song that I hear all the time at work. If you listen to it, you'll notice I used some of the lyrics, in a way, cause they're really good ones and you can tell he's singing from the heart. _


	12. Mage and Templar

**Mage and Templar**

Everything that followed that night was complete bliss. Cullen enjoyed every moment that he was with Esumi, and she in return. He no longer cared that he had forsaken his vows. In a way, he hadn't. He was still able to perform his duty. In fact, Cullen found that he was even able to perform it better than before. No longer was he distracted by her. Seeing her at the corners of his eyes, turning his head to get a better look. Now she was in front of him, and he was determined to protect her. Determined to keep the tower safe.

He had known this when they laid on the Harrowing Chamber floor. His arms encircling her waist, holding her tight to his chest. Her arms curled under her chin while her head rested in the nape of his neck. They both had felt so fulfilled, so safe and happy, even warm despite the cold floor. He was just so happy to finally be rid of the weight that had been hanging from his heart.

They had laid there, in that position for some time before Cullen finally broke his grip on her. He had been watching the sky, and slowly saw as it began lightening, telling him that it was time to leave, even though they didn't want to, but they couldn't stay in the Harrowing Chamber forever.

_I'm her light,_ he thought as they made their way down the tower as quickly and stealthily as they could. _And she is mine._

Now after a few weeks of secret glances and innocent run-ins, Cullen couldn't feel more alive. Esumi had not gone to Ostagar the next day, instead spending the whole day in the alcove with him. That alcove, he now found to be a very nice feature. No one could see them unless they came right up to the entrance. And if they positioned themselves just right, they could see down the hall, looking for anyone who might be coming. It made for fun exploration and a quick recovery.

It was different in the rest of the tower, however. Outside their alcove they were nothing more than templar and mage, and had to act as such. They completely ignored one another, even one time he had to yell at her when another templar was present. Immediately, safe back in their alcove, he had apologized severely to her for doing so. But Esumi had only smiled at him, saying that she understood what he was doing, and in secret, that, along with other things, could be their way of saying 'I love you' to one another. It was a strange way of saying it, but it worked for them, and kept them from looking too conspicuous.

As the weeks went by, Cullen even found his intake of lyrium decreasing. When he had first taken the lyrium as apart of his vows, he had only been taking one vial a day. As time went on, he soon found his cravings for it increasing, and his intake became two vials a day, then soon to three. It was something he hated, but knew that it was just part of being a templar. All templars took lyrium, and all had cravings for it that made them need more as they got older. He knew older templars who had taken at least fifteen vials a day or more. Sometimes all at the same time just to quench their cravings. It wasn't something Cullen was looking forward to. But once he and Esumi had connected, once they had joined as one, he soon found his craving for the blue liquid to slowly dissolve. He was now down to two vials a day, and felt that soon he may be down to only one again. He couldn't explain it, and neither could Esumi when he told her. But Cullen wasn't really going to complain. The decrease could stay a mystery for all he cared.

Yet, despite all the wonderful things that were going on with the two of them, the peace in the tower wasn't going to last. They had heard the news about Ostagar, and all the lives that were lost, including many mages and templars who had gone. There were mages who came back, but at first, there was only one. Uldred.

A buzz had gone through the tower with his return. They had only heard rumors about Ostagar, but he was able to provide full details. He told of the betrayal of the king by the Grey Wardens. How they had lead him into a trap and to his death, but their plan had backfired. The battle was a slaughter house, and even the mighty Grey Wardens were killed along with the king and his men. Uldred had only survived because he had been warned by Teyrn Loghain, the general of Ferelden's armies, and the one who had figured out the betrayal.

"It doesn't make any sense," said Esumi as she and Cullen stood in the alcove. "Why would Grey Wardens betray the king? And with darkspawn of all things!"

"It is a mystery," Cullen commented. "But so far, this is all we know of what happened there. Oh Maker, I'm glad you didn't go." He took her in his embrace. Just the thought of her there and what could have happened to her was enough to make him choke.

Esumi settled into his arms like she always did. She sighed as her fingers began to absently trace the designs in his breastplate. They both hated that he had to wear it. It kept them apart most of the time, but it was something that was a necessity.

"Yes, so am I," she said looking in his eyes. "But I still can't believe Uldred. There's just something about him... And it's not just with his return. He was always a slimy snake. Always causing havoc and ranting and raving his views and ideals." She sighed again and took herself from his arms. "That's what Libertarians do, I guess."

Cullen scuffed. Libertarians were a templar's nightmare. They were a fraternity of senior enchanter mages that desired to be away from under the Chantry's eye. They wished to be freed from the Chantry and to rule the Circle as an autonomous, self regulating order. They probably would have more numbers and more supporters on their view point if they weren't so violent about it. When ever there was an uprising or a rebellion of mages, you could always bet all the sovereigns in Thedas that it was a Libertarian leading the charge.

"He's always caused trouble, hasn't he?" Cullen asked.

"Who, Uldred?" Esumi laughed, crossing her arms. Even though it was a spiteful laugh, it was still music to his ears and he couldn't help but to think how cute she looked. "I've never known Uldred not to be in some type of trouble. I came to the tower when he was just recently made a senior enchanter. No one knew why they made him one. It wasn't like he wanted the job. Uldred never liked teaching, and he wasn't the best teacher either. From what I know, he never taught anyone except for his _special_, hand-picked apprentices." Esumi rolled her eyes.

"Hand-picked?" Cullen said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yep, it's like a club or something. You know the mages with the green robes? That's them, or at least the ones that made it past their Harrowing."

"Yes, I've noticed them. They seem very quiet and... self-absorbed is the best I can put it."

"Yeah," she said beginning to pace about the alcove. "He only picks one apprentice a year, then only teaches them that year before letting them go to do what they please. And he always picks apprentices who are exactly like him. In the way they think, act, and of course, their view points on the Chantry. So, as you might've guessed, they're all Libertarians. Just the funny thing about it is what happens to them when they get to the Harrowing. None of his apprentices have been made tranquil. All of them have gone through the Harrowing and have either passed or died. And all the ones who have died were all possessed by the demon and attacked the templars."

Cullen stood where he was, watching her pace about. He could tell she didn't like Uldred, and neither did he. Uldred was the only senior enchanter that he knew nothing about, and from what he heard, maybe he didn't want to know. "You act as if he's some horrible monster, or something. Should I keep my eye on him?"

"I'm sure Greagoir and Irving both have the entire tower keeping an eye on him." She stopped and looked at Cullen. "I'm sure you haven't heard."

"Heard what? All I know is about Ostagar, and what you tell me. This alcove isn't the best place for gossip."

Esumi chuckled. "Which is a good thing, right? But there is more coming from his wicked tongue than just Ostagar. Uldred is also talking about rebellion. He said that if the mages joined with Loghain then the teyrn would help them take control of the tower. The only problem is, is that I don't think Uldred wants to wait. He may be plotting to take over the tower now, and then help Loghain with whatever campaign he's brewing."

"An uprising?" Cullen asked. "That's not good. Maybe I should go tell Greagoir."

"I'm sure there's no need," Esumi said shaking her head. "Greagoir probably already knows. Irving, I'm sure, either told him or his informants did. And besides, there's no use getting you involved in this. You're safe here in the alcove."

Cullen looked at her with sympathy. "And why are you worried about my safety?"

"The same reason you worry about mine."

Cullen took her in his arms again and kissed her. It felt good to have her lips against his, and for a moment their troubles washed away.

It wasn't until several days had passed that another surprise from Ostagar had come to the tower. More mages had returned, and one of them was both Esumi and Keiven's teacher, Wynne. Esumi was of course excited to have her back, and to know that she was still alive and well. But with Wynne also came more stories.

"According to Wynne, Uldred is lying," Esumi told Cullen. "The Grey Wardens didn't betray the king, it was actually Loghain. She says she saw the teyrn himself, ignore a signal that was set to tell him when to charge. He instead quit the field and left with all his men."

"Why would Loghain do that?" Cullen asked.

"I don't know, and neither does she, but I believe her story over Uldred's." Esumi closed her eyes and laid her head on his chest. "This is so horrible. What are we going to do? Now because of Wynne's statements, the tower is in disarray."

Which was true, as the tension in the tower had increased once Wynne had told her side of the story. Fights seemed to be breaking loose all over the tower, caused by people's disagreements. Cullen even found himself breaking up a few, including one that involved Keiven getting into a fight with an older apprentice, who turned out to be one of Uldred's. Apparently the apprentice had said something bad about Wynne and Keiven wasn't going to let him get away with it. Keiven had thrown the first punch, and by the time Cullen had gotten over to the fight, he noticed that the younger mage was actually winning. He had stood there for a second watching him fight before breaking it up. Cullen was impressed by the mage. He figured that if he hadn't been a mage, Keiven would more than likely have made a fine warrior.

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't in this alcove all day," said Cullen. "When I was in front of the apprentice quarters, I heard all sorts of gossip and tales. Not here."

Esumi smiled. "You have me."

Cullen smiled as well. "I guess that's enough, then."

"Okay you two, I better not come around that corner and see something I shouldn't!" Cullen and Esumi unhooked from each other as Keiven walked into the alcove with his eyes covered and his other hand out in front of him, trying to feel around.

"Keiven, uncover your eyes before you hurt yourself," said Esumi.

The young mage spread his fingers to let one eye peer through to see. When he saw that they were both separate from each other he then fully took off his hand. "Hope I didn't interrupt anything," he said smiling broadly.

"Only us ravishing one another," said Cullen.

"Oh, that's disgusting!" Keiven said sticking out his tongue. "I never want to hear you say that again. Uh, now I have a mental picture!"

Keiven had actually found out about Cullen and Esumi on his own, and didn't seem to care. It was something that made Cullen worry when the young mage had told them that he knew. Cullen thought that if he knew, then maybe others would find out as well. But Esumi had assured the templar that not only did Keiven know her better than anyone else did, but that he was apt at finding things out that he shouldn't be. No one else knew, or even had any suspicions on their relationship.

It turned out to be great, as Keiven and Cullen became pretty good friends. They would occasionally banter with each other about simple little things that meant nothing. Esumi liked seeing them act this way. She liked to see Keiven finally getting over Jowan, and maybe even looking up to Cullen now.

"Good, then I've done my job for the day," said Cullen as he smiled down at Keiven.

"I didn't come here to learn about the birds and the bees, you know," Keiven said irritated.

"Then what are you here for?" Esumi asked.

"I came to tell you about the meeting Irving is holding tomorrow."

"Meeting? What meeting and for what purpose?"

Keiven cleared his throat. "I think Irving is getting tired of all the fights going on in the tower-"

"Like the one you caused?"

"Hey, Chad deserved that bloody nose I gave him. Calling Wynne an old harlot. I should go kick his ass again."

Esumi shook her head and covered her face. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Anyway, like I was saying," Keiven continued. "Irving is finally calling a meeting to speak with Uldred and get things situated. From what I heard, I think they're going to determine whether they're going to follow Uldred or not. My thought it not, and this meeting is only a ruse to have Uldred's guard let down to capture him."

"Who's all going to the meeting?" Cullen asked.

"It's just for mages, no templars. And it's only the council going in. So no other mages are allowed to attend, which includes apprentices." Keiven huffed, seeming annoyed by the notion.

"So that means not even Wynne will be in it?" said Esumi.

"Nope, but don't worry, my lady, your knight will find out what the verdict is. I guarantee it!"

"No. No, no, no!" Esumi said as she came up in front of Keiven and placed her hands on her hips. "You are not sneaking into that meeting. Do you know how much trouble you'll be in if you do that?"

"No, but probably no worse trouble than if I had gotten caught in the reformatory."

Esumi narrowed her eyes on him. "Maybe not, but don't forget about _me_."

Keiven cringed away from her. "Yeah, you're right. Maybe it would be worse."

"Oh, Esumi. Leave the boy alone," Cullen chuckled.

She turned on him with an eyebrow cocked. "Don't tell me you're taking his side?"

"Well... I would like to know what happens."

"And we will learn when the rest of the tower does. I don't want Keiven risking himself anymore." She turned back to him. "Do you hear me? I want you to promise that you won't sneak into that meeting."

Keiven looked at her with big eyes, and fists clenching.

"Keiven?"

"Yes, I promise," he finally said. "But that doesn't mean I have to stand up here with you two lovebirds all tomorrow, does it?"

"No."

"Good, cause now I'm out of here." Keiven waved before leaving the alcove and running down the hall.

Esumi hung her head and sighed. "What am I going to do with that boy?"

"I don't know, but what are you going to do with this boy?" Cullen said as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her to his chest.

"I didn't realize you were a boy. I thought you were a man?"

Cullen shook his head and kissed the top of hers. "I'm whatever you want me to be."

"Then just be you," she said. "And you know, now that I've thought about it... None of the other mages in my room have returned. It's sad, yes, which means that I'm in that big room all by myself and lonely." She turned to face him and gave him big, sad eyes. "So lonely..."

Cullen took a deep breath as he looked down in those jade orbs. She had learned quick how to use them on him. "Why don't you ask your knight to stay with you?"

"Because I don't want my knight. I want my templar."

This made him smile. "I'll see what I can do." He then kissed her, and he knew that he would come to her that night no matter what.

* * *

_A/N: One more part after this, then the story will continue in __Blood Bond_ _chapter 32._


	13. Broken

**Broken**

The next day Cullen could feel a thickness in the air. There was something not right, he could sense it. He first felt it when he laid next to Esumi, during that peaceful period before he had to leave and sneak back to his room before anyone questioned where he was. He had known right then while he stroked her back, other hand nestled under her waist, that the day wasn't going to be a good one.

Apparently, Greagoir had felt it too, as he had ordered all of the templars to carry their weapons. Normally the templars of the tower didn't carry weapons because they were more of a nuisance than anything else. As well as not nearly as affective against mages as one would think. The templars mostly relied on their talents to hinder a mage's magical ability. They also preferred to capture a mage alive, unless it was an abomination.

Cullen walked down the halls, fully armored with a greatsword stretched out on his back. His worry played havoc with his stomach as he saw how empty the halls were, and at how his fellow templars were acting. They seemed to not even accept that there might be something happening, something wrong. Not even the fact that Greagoir had ordered weapons carried seemed to phase them. He noticed they all acted as if this mage meeting was nothing, and continued with their ignorant actions. This made Cullen sick, and wishing that he had asked Greagoir if he could've been down here for just today to look after the meeting. At least he knew that Esumi would be with him, so if anything did happen, she would be safe.

When he reached the second floor, Cullen found where everyone was. Mages were packed within the halls, talking and murmuring about the meeting. It hadn't started yet, but already everyone was gathered outside of the room, waiting to see what would happen. As Cullen forced his way through the crowd, occasionally having to push people aside, he spotted Keiven standing next to the wall, leaning against it and looking quite casual. Cullen wondered if he planned on sneaking into the meeting room after all. It wouldn't be the first time he defied Esumi's words, and even though Cullen preferred that the young mage didn't, he knew he couldn't stop him.

Finally, after much pushing and yelling, Cullen made it through the crowd and up to the third floor. Here, he found very little mages. Mostly those he passed were on their way down to the second floor and the crowd. Cullen was happy that he found the fourth floor seemingly deserted, except for one mage who was waiting patiently for him to arrive by the stairs.

"It's about time," Esumi said as she saw him coming down the hall. She had been sitting on the stairs, waiting for him. "I was worried you might get stuck down there."

"I thought I was too. It was hard getting through, especially with this thing." He gestured with his thumb to the greatsword. Esumi looked up at it, marveling.

"Oh, it suits you," she said. "But I guess that means Greagoir thinks something is amiss?"

"Yeah, and I'm glad he's taking precautions. I just wish the other templars would take this seriously. They seem to think this is nothing, as if they don't feel the tension in the air. I just hope they're right."

Esumi took Cullen's chin and brought it down so she could kiss him. Cullen followed willingly and took her into his arms in the same motion. The fact that they were in the hall didn't phase them, as they knew everyone in the entire tower was down on the second floor. Their kiss was long and sensual. Cullen found his hands running down her back, while her own ran through his short, light red hair. When they parted, he nuzzled her, rubbing his nose against hers and bringing her close.

"You're staying up here with me, right?" he whispered in her ear.

"Where else would I be?" she asked, pulling back from him.

"I just didn't know if you might get curious and go down there to see what is happening."

She smiled at him. "I'm sure that whatever happens, we'll learn soon enough. I'm in no hurry to leave your side."

"Good. I guess Keiven will be running up here anyway to tell us."

He saw Esumi's face fall. "Keiven's down there?"

"Yeah, I saw him in the crowd downstairs."

Esumi's eyes widened then narrowed. "That stupid boy. Why does he never listen?"

Cullen chuckled. "Do you want me to go down there and get him?"

"No," she sighed. "I already told him that he didn't have to stay up here with us. I never thought about him being down there in that crowd. I peeked before you got here. I've never seen such a gathering before. I think the last time there was a gathering like that was when King Maric was here with the Grey Wardens. Course, that was in the auditorium, not in the halls." Esumi shook her head. "He just better be safe."

Cullen took her hand. "I don't think you have to worry about him like you do. He's a good mage, and a pretty good fighter, too." Esumi snorted. "He's also still a kid, so you just need to let him make his own mistakes and learn from them."

"I suppose you're right," she said. "I still can't help worrying about him, though."

"And that's exactly why I love you," he said kissing her forehead. "So, what shall we do today while we wait for the results of the meeting?"

Esumi broadly smiled as she took his hands and lead him into the alcove. "I thought this would be the perfect time for me to teach you the Nihonnen-go alphabet. That way, if you want, we could write notes to each other and no one will be able to read them."

"That does sound good," said Cullen. "I have been wanting to learn."

For the next hour or so, Cullen and Esumi were infused in the alphabet of her language. Cullen found it fun and distracting, but also somewhat hard and frustrating. Each letter had a certain stroke pattern one had to follow, and sometimes he got ones that were similar confused. Esumi was an excellent teacher, however. She was patient and helped him with his strokes and lines.

"You're going to make a great senior enchanter one day," he told her.

"That might not be too far off, either," she said. She saw Cullen's questioning look and giggled. "Irving has already told me that he is seeing what he can do to make me a senior enchanter here in the next few weeks, maybe. Some of the other senior enchanters don't like the idea because of how young I am, but none of them deny that I'm not talented enough for it. Wynne is my biggest supporter, and also the one that suggested it to Irving."

"Then you'll be one, and don't worry what the others think. You deserve it."

"Maybe, but I feel like I don't, especially at my young age."

Cullen took her hands and began kissing them. "Of course you deserve it. Your age shouldn't matter." He began making his way up her arm and to her neck. "And if I could support you, then you know I would."

"I would hope so," she said lifting her head and allowing him access. Cullen continued his way up as he came to her face, gently kissing her checks before finding her lips. His hand curled around her neck and he brought her to him, taking her mouth into his. Esumi willingly fell into his arms and closed her eyes as they melted into each other. Cullen gently placed her back against the wall as they continued their kissing. His hand made it's way down her side, past her waist, and settling on her hip. If he could feel through his armor, he would have felt her hands on his chest as they made their way around to pull him even closer to her.

A sudden, loud bang sounded, shaking the tower and dislodging them from one another. Esumi clung to the wall as Cullen fell to his knees, trying to keep his balance.

"Holy Maker! What was that?" Cullen said as he stood back up once the shaking stopped.

"I... I don't know," said Esumi. "But it came from below."

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, but-" Another bang and another quake cut her off. Cullen braced himself against the wall, pinning her in between. When it stopped, they both looked into each others frightened eyes.

"What is going on down there?" Cullen asked.

Esumi didn't answer. She only continued to stare at him as her eyes grew bigger and her mouth hung open. He then realized what she was thinking about. "K-Keiven..." she whispered.

Cullen's own eyes began to widen as he thought about the young mage. He was down there, all alone and perhaps even in the meeting room. Who knew what the bangs and quakes were and what was going on down there.

"Keiven!" Esumi cried as she ducked under Cullen's arm and ran out the alcove.

"Esumi! Wait!" Cullen yelled at her. He followed her out the alcove, chasing her down the hall, but she was too fast for him. The bulky armor and greatsword were slowing him down.

When he reached the stairs, another quake shook the tower, causing him to stop and fall to his back. He held onto the stairs the best he could as the quake shook the tower to it's very core. When it was done, Cullen didn't lose a moment as he stood back up and made his way down.

He had lost sight of her, and it was beginning to make him panic. Every time he turned a corner, he hoped to see her, or at least her hair as it whipped around the bends, but not even that came into his line of sight.

_Come on, Esumi. Where are you?_

He was determined to find her, but stopped short when he reached the stairs down to the second floor. He felt his blood turn to ice as the magical signature wrapped itself around his mind, surrounding his being. It was a signature he had only felt once before, but never this powerful or this widespread.

Blood magic.

Cullen could feel it seeping and oozing all about the tower. He closed his eyes and focused, and found pinpoints of where the blood magic was coming from. There were many of them, scattered about the second floor, and using it all around, fighting both templars and other mages.

How were there so many mages who were using blood magic? Where had they all come from? They must have been all mages from the tower, but how could so many learn such a forbidden art right under the Chantry's nose? Cullen thought that perhaps the rumors about Jowan might have been a ruse. Despite the fact that he did know blood magic, he had only dabbled, but never fully learned. The rumors about blood magic had been around for a long time, perhaps even before he had even considered it. Maybe Jowan had only been a pawn, an unlucky name randomly picked out of a pool so that he could be used as a distraction. It had apparently worked.

Cullen cursed himself for being so stupid as he made his way down. He should have known better than to not listen to the rumors, instead ignoring them like everyone else did. Maybe this then wouldn't have happened, but there was nothing he could do about it now.

Quickly he made his way through the hall, looking for Esumi, but he didn't see her. Instead, he saw mages and templars, running and screaming as creatures of hell ran after them. Cullen took in a deep, sharp breath as he realized they were abominations. He couldn't believe it. Mages were turning into abominations so fast! His heart raced, and his determination grew. He had to find her.

Unsheathing his sword, Cullen took it in both his hands and charged through the hall, cutting down any abominations that got in his way. He made his way past the meeting room, and all the way to the stairs that would lead to the library. He was about ready to run down them when he suddenly heard a scream from behind him. He turned to see Keiven, holding a staff, being cornered by an abomination. It was small, maybe the body of a child with torn apprentice robes. It's skin was coated in a layer of thick slim that oozed down it's flesh and dripped from it's hair. The creature gurgled and flashed sharp, blackened teeth as it hovered over Keiven.

Cullen quickly made his way over to him, bringing up his sword and stabbing it right through the creature's back. It gurgled and shrieked, turning around, causing Cullen's sword to slice through it's abdomen. When it faced him, it's entire upper right side was detached from it's lower body. It hung forward, and reached out to Cullen with blood encrusted fingers. Cullen was appalled by it, as he saw blood and gore pour from the wound and broken ribs sticking out from the side. It shrieked as it took a step forward. Cullen didn't hesitate as he lifted his sword again and cut off it's head in one swing. Once the abomination was down, he went over to Keiven.

"Keiven, are you all right?"

The young mage was hyperventilating, eyes popping out of their sockets. "C-C-Cullen?" he sputtered out. "Y-You killed... T-That was... That was Lucy!"

"Keiven, come on. I need you to calm down."

"She... she was standing right beside me. Then all the sudden I heard her screaming, and when I looked over... I saw... I saw her turn!"

Cullen pulled Keiven up to his feet and looked into his eyes. "Keiven, I'm sorry."

The young mage shook his head. "No, don't. I didn't care about her, not like that, but..." He then looked at Cullen with curiosity. "What are you doing down here? Where's Esumi?"

"I was about to ask you that," said Cullen. "After the tower shook she ran down here looking for you. I ran after her, but lost her on the way. And... where did you get that staff?"

"This? It's Esumi's. She left it in my room after helping me with my spells. Crap, I need to get this to her!"

Cullen growled. "Yes, we need to find Esumi!"

"Right! I think we should go to the apprentice quarters. That's the first place she'll go to look for me, if that's what she's still doing."

"I was just about to head there when I heard you scream, so let's get-" Cullen stopped when he felt something tickle the edge of his being. His eyes flew open. It was a signature that he knew and would know anywhere. "Wait. Esumi... She's not down there."

"What? How can you tell?" Keiven asked.

Cullen looked up at the ceiling. Esumi's signature was strong, which meant she was close, and it was in distress, which meant that she was fighting. "Upstairs," he said. "Only a floor above us." Cullen gritted his teeth. He needed to get up there and help her. He could feel that she was fighting something strong. Something powerful and wicked.

"Come on!" he yelled as he ran back down the hall. Keiven ran after him, but found it hard to stay with him. They ran into other abominations, Cullen cutting through them while Keiven fired his magic, knocking them down.

When they reached the third floor, Cullen found that Esumi's signature was moving up, along with the one she was fighting, and there was something wrong. Her signature felt weaker now. He growled and ran, even passing abominations to get to the stairs. Keiven struggled behind him, trying to keep up. They then came to a block in the hall. A line of templars stood, battling a group of blood mages and abominations. Cullen and Keiven had to stop behind the templars. Keiven poked his head around them to see what was happening and startled. There, in the line of mages, he saw the one apprentice that he had fought only a few days ago.

"Those are Uldred's apprentices," he said. "All the blood mages are. So that's what they were doing!"

"Great," Cullen moaned. "All the signs were there. I can't believe no one was prepared for this." Cullen joined the line of templars and began making his way through, trying to cut through the mages.

"Cullen, wait!" cried Keiven. "I can't get through! Wait! Where are you going?"

Cullen didn't stop, he only kept going. "Up," he said. "That's were they're headed. That's were Esumi will be. I think I know where they're going. The Harrowing Chamber." He soon made it through after impaling a few mages on his sword, he then took off again up the stairs.

There was very little resistance here on the fourth floor, and even less as he continued. He had lost Keiven somewhere, but he couldn't worry about the young mage right now. He was more worried about Esumi. He could feel that she was no longer using magic, but she was still moving up. He finally reached the top floor, and when he turned the bend in the hall, he came to a sight he never wanted to see.

Uldred stood in the hall, just outside the atrium that lead to the Harrowing Chamber. Other blood mages were with him, dragging unconscious mages with them into the atrium. At Uldred's feet was Esumi, her hair entangled in his right hand. She was on her back, holding the sides of her head and grimacing in pain.

Cullen found his blood boiling and his vision forcing him to see nothing but the scene before him. He ground his teeth and snarled as he gripped his sword and prepared to race at the mage and strike him down.

At the sound, Uldred looked up and smiled at the templar. He then picked Esumi off the ground, causing her to cry in pain and dragged her into the atrium.

Cullen ran after him, running through the hall, and roaring with anger. He held his sword in the air, hands gripped tightly on the hilt. He made it to the doorway, and ran through, only to stop suddenly, causing him to drop his sword on the floor from the sudden halt. Cullen found himself frozen in place, but only his legs. His upper body could still move. When he looked up, he saw standing at the foot of the stairs was Uldred, Esumi knelt beside him. He still gripped her hair, and he saw tears running down her face. Uldred smiled at him wickedly.

"I was wondering if one of you would make it up here," he said. "I was beginning to think the templars weren't as much of a challenge as I hoped they would be."

"Let me go, Uldred, and I'll show you what I can do," Cullen growled.

"Oh yes, I'm sure you could, especially if I put her life in danger." Uldred yanked on Esumi's hair and she screamed, her face turning red and fresh tears fell down her checks.

Cullen fought against the magic that was holding him, trying to feel it so he could undo the bind, but there was something blocking him. It was something he felt slither into his mind, cold and foreboding. It crept in, deep into his thoughts and tore at his defenses. He tried to stop it, but there was no use. It was already deep inside his head.

Cullen shivered from the touch, it didn't feel human. But he had to keep focused. Esumi's life was in danger. "Let her go," he said through his teeth. "And I'll make your death quick."

"Oh, I see it now," said Uldred. "You both have been naughty, haven't you? Tsk, tsk, tsk, and I thought templars weren't suppose to engage in such acts. But I guess there is something about her, isn't there?" Uldred pulled Esumi up and looked into her face. "Yes, quite an exotic beauty, isn't she? One I've never seen before, and those eyes. One could truly be lost in them." He threw Esumi to the ground, but he didn't let her go. His hand shot down and grabbed her by the throat before she could scramble away. "Not so fast, you little whore, I'm not done with you yet." Cullen pounded at his legs, but there was nothing he could do to break the spell.

"_Let her go!_" he screamed at Uldred. "If you hurt her-"

This made Uldred laugh with malice. "You'll do what, my dear boy? Kill me? Ha! I believe it is you who are trapped, and in no position to be making threats. Hmm." Uldred placed his hand on his chin as if he were in deep thought. "I think I know what to do with you. I'm not going to kill you. Instead, I'm going to keep you here to suffer. Then, when I'm done, I'll come back for you, and make you into my pet. How does that sound?"

Cullen spat at him. "I'll see your head first!"

"My, I'm going to have to do something about that tongue of yours, aren't I?" Uldred curled his free hand into a claw and placed it over Esumi's head. Cullen looked toward her and saw her reaching for him. One hand was tightly gripped around Uldred's, while the other reached out. Her eyes pleading.

"Cullen..." she whispered. He could feel his heart breaking, as he too tried to reach her. He stretched out his hand, fingers going as far as they could go. If only he could touch her. If only he could get to her, then everything would be all right.

"Esumi..." he grunted. They were nearly there. Barely a fingertip away, but it was snatched from them as Uldred pulled her toward him, squeezing her throat and making her choke. Cullen narrowed his eyes and smashed his teeth. Uldred only kept smiling at him.

"We can't have you two touching, now can we? So, to break you, I think I know the perfect way of doing that." His curled hand hovered over Esumi's chest, and Cullen saw the fear in her eyes as he felt the blood magic forming at the tips of Uldred's fingers. "Watch this," Uldred breathed.

Cullen went to move, but his frozen legs still kept him in place. Esumi's screams ripped through his ears as the dark magic trickled from Uldred's fingertips and into her heart. Cullen watched in horror as he saw her skin begin to steam, her blood boil, and her body stiff from insufferable pain. He again tried to bang on the magic holding his legs, her cries of agony fueling him, but it was to no avail. He was forced to watch, forced to listen, and forced to see as the light left her eyes. Her cries soon died, and her body went limp in Uldred's hand.

"What a pity," the blood mage said. "I was hoping she'd put up more of a fight. She was the first enchanter's pet after all. Oh well."

"_YOU BASTARD!_" Cullen screamed. He reached for his sword, able to grab the hilt and threw it at Uldred, but the mage ducked the giant blade.

"You certainly are temperamental, aren't you?" said Uldred. "That will definitely have to change." He then lifted up Esumi's limp body and gazed at it like it was roadkill. He flung it to the side. Her body hit the wall with a crunch then slid to the floor with a sickening thud. Uldred then began making his way up the stairs.

Cullen felt the magic on his legs release, and in an instant, he flung himself at Uldred, ready to ripe the blood mage apart. But he was stopped again.

Uldred had turned to him, and raising his hand, an invisible force grabbed Cullen by the throat then threw him against the wall. He hit the back of his head, and sparks exploded in his vision. He fell to his hands and knees, and coughed as the impact had knocked the wind out of him.

Cullen turned his head to see Uldred on the stairs, smiling down on him. "Now I want you to stay right here," he said. "I'll be back to deal with you later. You have fun with your misery." He then disappeared through the door to the Harrowing Chamber.

Cullen coughed some more and rubbed his eyes as well as the back of his head. He looked over at Esumi and nearly threw-up.

There she was, her body lying in an unnatural position. Her back had snapped from the impact making her waist twist with the lower half of her body facing the wall, while her upper portion faced him. Her face was still frozen in those last few moments of horror, eyes wide and lifeless.

He couldn't stand to look at her, but he also couldn't leave her in that position. Cullen began crawling to her, reaching out his hand again to grab her, but when he got to a certain point, his hand hit something hard. He stopped and felt it, trying to push his way through. It wouldn't budge. Cullen was beginning to get discouraged, angry. Was he not even able to hold her, feel her? He pounded his fists on the barrier, trying to find any weak points, but there was none. It completely surrounded him, keeping him from her and his revenge.

Cullen was on his knees, palms on the barrier as he gazed at her. Tears ran down his checks. He couldn't believe that she was gone, and there was nothing he could have done about it. He bit his lip, trying to hold the tears back, trying to keep himself from breaking down. No, he couldn't break down. That's what Uldred wanted.

He soon could feel himself filling with hatred and murder. He so much wanted to wring Uldred's neck. Take his head and crush it with his blade, which was now lying useless across the room from him.

"I will avenge you, my love," Cullen choked out. "I swear it." He pressed his forehead to the barrier, unable to look at her any longer. He sniffed, closing his eyes and clenching his fists. "I have to stay strong. I can't let them win. I can't let them take me. I will do this, for you, so I can present his head to you when we meet back in the Fade."

Cullen then turned away, dropped to one knee, and began praying.

* * *

_A/N: I know this is a horrible place to stop a story, but the rest of it will continue in __Blood Bond__, __chapter 32: Caged, which I will post Sunday (EST). For those of you who haven't read __Blood Bond__, then here is a summary of what has been happening so far._

_There are two origins who are the Wardens in the story, Zelda (human noble), and Arawin (city elf). It begins with Duncan visiting Highever and going through the human noble origin (ch 2-4), while the city elf origin (ch 5-7) is played out next. Once Zelda and Duncan escape from Highever, they make a quick stop at Denerim where they run into Arawin, and Duncan conscripts her from being taken to the dungeons for killing Vaughan (ch 8). They then head to Ostagar (ch 9-11), and once they get to the Joining (ch 12), an accident happens that causes both Arawin and Zelda to drink from the same cup. This, in turn, creates an emotional bond between the two of them, which is explained to them by Flemeth (ch 15). Once Morrigan joins their party, they set off to Lothering, where they recruit Leliana and Sten in their group (ch 17-18)._

_Throughout their journey, Zelda and Arawin don't get along very well, mostly from Arawin's prejudice to noble humans, and the blood bond drives them crazy enough to have Morrigan make them a potion that will separate them, but the bond will still be there growing._

_Before leaving Lothering, they decide to split into two groups and head in separate directions to gather the treaties quicker (ch 19). The groups are as followed: Zelda, Alistair, Leliana, and Rupee (Zelda's mabari) head to Redcliffe. Arawin, Morrigan, Sten, and Kunjo (Arawin's mabari) head to the Brecilian Forest to search for the Dalish elves. Zelda and her group reach Redcliffe (ch 22) and vow to help with the walking corpses. While Arawin and her group are ambushed by Zevran (ch 23) and he soon joins them._

_Once Zelda has dealt with the corpses, and gone into the castle, she then decided to go to the Circle Tower to get the mages help with Connor, who she promises that she will return as soon as she can (ch 27). _

_Arawin and Zelda arrive at their destinations at the same time. Zelda vows to help the templars clear the tower of the abominations, while Arawin vows she will help the Dalish with the werewolves. In the camp, Arawin also comes across another one of my origins (the Dalish elf), Lisha (ch 29). She then later joins them, and Zelda makes her way through the tower (ch 30). _

_I suggest to read at least chapter 31 first, because there is a surprise at the end about Keiven. But to fully get what is happening in the tower, starting at chapter 29 would be best. Hope this summary helps so you know what is happening within the story. Thanks for reading, and reviews are always loved and appreciated with both stories! Thanks again. _


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